My heart hurts
My eyes burn
My house feels empty
It feels like a bad dream. Walking out the door of the exam room, glancing over my shoulder, seeing her laying there on the examination table cold and still. Having watched her inhale her last breath, and feeling her heart stop. Having ran my fingers through her soft fur and kissing her one last time. Nothing prepares you for that. Nothing prepares you for goodbye.
The momentary strength you find, quickly crumbles at the thought of "oh while i'm out I need to stop and grab some more cans of food" only to have those hot rivers flow down chafed skin again.
Though my heart is broken, I have room to live another. To give another 13 short years to another fur baby. To make for it a home of love and safety. To allow version 2.0 to try and fill the paw prints in my heart, and loving it just as much. Never to be a replacement, but a new friend for me to love.
Feburary 16th will be hard for me for the next few years. But I will celebrate it, as I celebrated you.
