You’ve been so kind to buy me coffees. Thank you! You really keep my energy up. To express my gratitude, here are the nine most popular articles that have appeared in The Highlighter so far in 2020. Please enjoy!
#1: Against Empathy
We’re taught to value empathy — the ability to put ourselves into another person’s shoes, to experience the world as they do, to feel their pain. When we empathize with others, we’re more likely to help them and less likely to remain selfish. Altruism is good, right?
Not so much, argues Paul Bloom in this thought-provoking essay, in which he contends that empathy leads to exhaustion and burnout. Also, because our patriarchy considers empathy (more often) a feminine trait, the expectation of women to perform emotional labor leads to “pathological altruism” and higher rates of depression.
Instead of empathy, Prof. Bloom suggests we practice compassion, “a more distanced love, a kindness and concern for others.” When your friend comes to you in distress, they don’t want you to mirror their anguish. They don’t want you to hurt as much as they do. They want you to listen, to care about them, and demonstrate your desire to help. (21 min) (Issue #226)
#2: How To End Traffic
Cars kill people, contribute to global warming, and cause us to avoid our fellow humans, thereby preventing opportunities to build community. This article, which suggests that we follow Europe’s example, offers five ways we can aggressively reduce traffic in urban areas. My favorite: Eliminate street parking. Though I’m a total hypocrite, I agree with the writer’s premise that “places without cars are simply more pleasant places to be.” (Something tells me that Lyft and Uber aren’t the answer.) (17 min) (Issue #229)
#3: Miranda’s Rebellion
The perfect Southern belle, Miranda Murphey grew up outside Augusta, Georgia, in a wealthy, religious, and conservative military family. She married her college sweetheart, who called her “Bombshell,” and has voted Republican all her life. But since the last election, Miranda has found herself making new friends, including Liz, who brandishes an RBG sticker on her cellphone. “Are you changing?” her friends and husband ask. Miranda doesn’t like making people feel uncomfortable, and she loves her husband, but she feels at odds with a world she once knew. At a dinner out, Miranda has a fight with Liz, and when she gets home, she sees her husband’s truck outside, and says, “I struggle with this.” It’s not clear which struggle she’s talking about. (22 min) (Issue #233)
#4: The Nuclear Family Was A Mistake
The mid-20th century American model of the nuclear family was a “freakish historical moment” that didn’t exist beforehand, wasn’t equitable at the time, and no longer exists now, argues David Brooks in this well-researched essay. A better structure is the extended family, which emphasizes connection, offers a safety net in times of need, helps raise children, and supports the elderly. The question is whether we can rebuild that ideal, or whether it’s too late. (41 min) (Issue #230)
#5: QAnon Is More Important Than You Think
We can laugh at conspiracy theorists all we want. We can reject their politics, call them extremists, and deride their way of looking at the world. But this outstanding article by Adrienne LaFrance convincingly argues that QAnon has organized once-disparate conspiracy theories into a powerful force that is gaining power and threatening to spread mainstream.
Ms. LaFrance writes: “It is a movement united in mass rejection of reason, objectivity, and other Enlightenment values. And we are likely closer to the beginning of its story than the end. The group harnesses paranoia to fervent hope and a deep sense of belonging. The way it breathes life into an ancient preoccupation with end-times is also radically new. To look at QAnon is to see not just a conspiracy theory but the birth of a new religion.” (Issue #244)
#6: Messages Across The Divide
Author Zach Wyner is a writing coach in the Bay Area, and one night in a library in North Berkeley, a 14-year-old boy asks him why we should care about homeless people. Isn’t their plight an effect of their poor choices? Before Mr. Wyner can answer, his phone buzzes with desperate texts from a young man he mentors, four years out of juvenile hall, still at risk for homelessness, asking for diapers and food for his infant son. What to do? In our divided times of increasing inequality, many educators find themselves stuck in the middle. Mr. Wyner writes, “We watch people living out their lives on opposite sides of a chasm. Occasionally, the chasm winks, reminding us of our responsibility to keep delivering messages to the other side.” What happens next is a brilliant move of teaching. (12 min) (Issue #228)
#7: Lost In Summerland
After recovering from a traumatic brain injury when he was 22 years old, Andy Swanson started hearing things at home: creaky footsteps in the hallway, stray voices in the closet. When his dad showed up, concerned, Andy’s first words were, “There’s someone in the room with us.” The chandelier in the room flickered on its own.
This article, told from the point of view of his little brother, Barrett, explores Andy’s developing identity as a psychic and a medium. Most of all, though, this is a story of two brothers, their relationship, and their trip one summer to Lily Dale, New York, where every year, 20,000 Spiritualists gather to perform readings, conduct seances, and build community.
At the retreat, Barrett notices his brother’s rising confidence and sense of calm. But he’s also aware of his own uneasiness, acknowledges his history of depression, and recounts an incident from his past, when his big brother’s powers may have saved his life. (44 min) (Issue #225)
#8: The Kitchen Is Closed
The pandemic forced chef Gabrielle Hamilton to shutter Prune, the bistro she opened in the East Village in 1999. In this well-written essay, Ms. Hamilton eulogizes her restaurant, gets real about the challenges of the industry, and waxes sentimental, then existential, on whether any of our pursuits in life deserve to exist after they’re gone. Toward the end, Ms. Hamilton’s emotions mount, with anger and sadness and nostalgia all mixed together, as she laments not only the end of Prune, but also the neighborhood she loved. (26 min) (Issue #241)
#9: Kindness
“Before you know what kindness really is, you must lose things, feel the future dissolve in a moment like salt in a weakened broth.” So begins this poem, the first ever to appear in this newsletter, written in 1995 by Naomi Shihab Nye. I’m not typically someone who finds solace in poetry, but this piece kept speaking to me as I searched for an offering worthy of this reading community. My hope is that the poem resonates with you, too. (5 min) (Issue #235)
Thank you again!