I have never shied away from challenges.
Overtime, impossible deadlines, working under pressure - I've done 'em all and I came up on top.
I only find rest between battles, and even in the stretched moments of procrastination, I am still preparing for the next.
My point is that I have always been active.
For every second, every moment, every thought, and every word I type - everything to fight.
And here I am today, diagnosed with Cancer and I have to say, I am fighting in unfamiliar grounds.
First, the enemy is within me and I do not know how to deal with it. No plan of battle, no tactic that I can think of. It's entirely out of my hands.
I feel helpless.
Second, I come out on top because of grace under pressure. It pushes me, I push back. Grit and resilience move me forward. The more intense everything is, the more intense I can be.
Now, I should avoid extreme emotions. I should avoid getting upset or angry. I have to relax.
Imagine fighting by doing nothing. It's a very unfamiliar concept that leaves me restless and anxious. I feel like I should be doing something more than 1 hour slow walks, mild stretching exercises, and enduring flickering pains in my torso every night.
Last, I could perform and deliver even with the craziest deadlines because I know what to do.
Now, I have a deadline to fight for my life. Still undetermined, yes, but the risks are greater.
Tomorrow will be the start of a series of chemotherapies.
I do not know how my system will react.
I do not know if I will puke my guts out.
Or if it will leave me disoriented and drooling.
Prayers and goodwill will sustain me.
Support from friends and family will fuel my resilience.
And I will need every bit.
Because now that I am at my weakest
will I have to fight the hardest.