Jun 23, 2021
2 mins read
My apologies for the huge gaps in my posting. I'm working on a schedule, but it's slow going. I keep remembering other things that need to be put on said schedule, and it throws the whole rhythm off! Gotta love the ADHD, right? ....right?
I had a discussion with my brother over the weekend about my story, and I got some great ideas for some fun twists in it. The story is coming along (I think I'm up to like 8 chapters), but I only have a nebulous idea of where I want to go with it. We'll see as it takes form. I am definitely a "pantser" when I write - someone who "flies by the seat of their pants" as opposed to planning and plotting everything - and never is that more obvious than when I start a new manuscript.
This past weekend, I went down to Sacramento for a few days. Partly to spend time with friends and family, and partly to grieve a huge loss or two. It was a complicated trip, emotionally, but I'm so glad I went. Even with the few awkward moments, it was worth it. Now if we could JUST do something about California's heatwave... It was gnarly. 114 the day we got into town, and even when I went to the Bay Area for a memorial, it was still in the 90s. I got the opportunity, thanks to a wonderful friend, to hit San Francisco while I was there. 61 and foggy. I freaking love my city.
Now that I'm home, the grief has settled in. I tend to feel big things like permanent goodbyes in stages. I think a lot of us do - it's easier to process that way - but, like so many of us, I don't do well with permanently closing a door. I tend to go a little haywire in the brain when it happens, and I freak the fuck out for a while, once the shock has worn off. Welp, the shock has done worn off now. I'm in my emotions fully, and I don't like it much. They're messy, and my routine doesn't allow for much emotional mess. Oh, sure, I can process it and be okay eventually, but when it all first comes crashing down around me, I don't do well at all.
I am eternally grateful for the people I have around me, who surround me with love and care and concern. You folx make all the difference to me and my healing process. I know I suck at reaching out, but that's part of what these entries are for - to show you where I'm at.
As always, feel free to click through to BMC and Heart or Comment on this post if you have something you'd like to share. Or just DM me! I promise, I'm around a lot more than I give the impression of, which is practically none. *chuckles*
I love you all very much, and appreciate you joining me on this journey. And don't worry - we'll arrive at the other side, look back on where we were right now, and laugh. <3