The story we tell ourselves is usually inaccurate. Not only about who we are but also about who other people are. I was journaling yesterday about who I needed to forgive and an old friendship came up. Prior to journaling, I had been upset with this person & labeled our experience as "negative" because I felt betrayed by them. What I failed to be honest with myself about is that our experience brought out ugly truths about me that I didn't want to see or accept. They showed me parts of myself that needed work.
So was I really mad at them, or was I simply mad at myself?
Yes, I was genuinely mad at first. But the prolonged emotion and energy towards this situation was due to me being mad at myself.
I didn't realize that my reactive behavior was a reflection of my deepest wound = not being seen/heard. At one point, I felt like they saw me for who I was then all of a sudden, everything did a 180 switched and never returned the same. I was experiencing perceived abandonment and confusion because of their decision to walk away. Walking away was their absolute right to do. However, it didn't numb the pain that I felt from it.
Looking back, I now know that I can now free myself from the story that they're a horrible person. I can free myself from the story that I didn't matter to them. I can free myself from the story that our experience wasn't real in the moment. It doesn't matter whether it did or it didn't. What matters is that I am no longer centering THEM in MY story. I am no longer overemphasizing their importance in my past life. I am no longer attached to the false narrative I've created about them.
I am taking responsibility for how I tell my own story. I now know that I am powerful enough to rewrite my own narrative at any time based on my genuine truth as long as I am willing to be honest with myself about it.
So friends: What story are you avoiding being honest about and how can I hold space for you as you find safety enough to do so?
Xo
Kee