I have never been a believer in regrets.
When I look back over my life, I can see that in every moment, with every decision, I did my best for who I was at the time. For the person, the experience, and the capacity I had available to me.
Listen to this article in audio form at [Audio] Purpose On The Wings Of Regret.
I can see the lessons that I learned that may not have come, or perhaps might have simply been presented another way at a different time.
I can see, despite wishing I might have made a different choice, the chain of events... the people I’ve met, the experiences I’ve had... That would be lost if I had chosen differently.
And in this way, I make peace with my past, with my choices, and with my present.
So, I don’t regret cheating on my first boyfriend. It was a catalyst that taught me, that taught us, so much about communicating, about expressing our feelings, about being in relationship with each other.
And I don’t regret leaving school a year early to study a degree in IT and a diploma in creative writing, putting my writing on the sideline for decades and meeting my husband in that first IT class.
(Although, I do wonder about another life where I might have travelled the world on cruise ships as a travel writer.)
I would not go back and change a thing.
...except...
I wish I would have stuck it out as many days overdue as possible with my first born.
And I wish I would have insisted on pushing my second born into this world off my back.
If I could go back and change anything it would be those two things.
If I could go back and change anything I would wish to be in communication with my body.
To ask and to listen.
To trust her wisdom and strength.
To find comfort and reassurance in my own ability and knowing.
If I had that back then (only five and eight years ago), I could have chosen differently.
I could have voiced my desires.
I could have advocated for those desires.
I could have stood firm in my power.
Sovereign in my birthing body.
Asking for help and receiving support only when it was in true alignment and not out of fear or wishing for it all to be over.
It is the kind of regret that expands a desire I already held within me.
I wanted a different experience for myself. In those two moments more than any others I wished for an inner strength and sovereignty* I had not known before.
Since I cannot go back and change that for me, I wish to do what I can so that other women can know that inner strength and sovereignty for themselves well before they may choose to birth children.
So that if they desire, they may have an experience in birth, and of birth, where they are united with their body. Where they are in communication with their body. Where they trust their own inner wisdom and strength. Where they can find comfort and reassurance in their own ability and deep knowing.
Being united with our body wisdom, being sovereign in our embodied selves, is something that can be cultivated and nurtured long before we wish to become mothers, if we wish that for ourselves at all.
Though this sense of purpose has come to me through the experience of birth, on the wings of regret, it is not limited to the experience of birth.
It is in fact, applicable to every moment lived, every choice considered, every decision made.
For men and women both.
And so for all of us... I wish.
I wish for us to be united in relationship, communication, and deep trust with our bodies.
I wish for us to know the deep strength and inner wisdom we hold.
I with for all of us, Sovereignty unto ourselves.
I now feel the regret transform into gratitude for my experiences of birth.
Perhaps the regret held this message all along.**
Now the message has been received.
The seed of purpose planted.
Experience turned into medicine.
For me and hopefully, for others too.
Regret may take to its wings once more.
[ORIGINAL ARTICLE: Purpose on the Wings of Regret, by Kerryn Hewson. 2023.]
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* Sovereignty is defined by Merriam-Webster dictionary as, “freedom from external control: autonomy; controlling influence.”
** Regret, like all our emotions, is a messenger. We must only learn their language.