I love writing, given the time I would write all day every day.
I once had a job as a receptionist and all I had to do was make coffee for visitors and process the monthly invoices. I had a lot of spare time on my hands during the day.
So, after I finished all my daily tasks I would sit and write. Starting writing is the hardest, I am not sure if what I want to write about is interesting enough, or whether what I have in my head will come out the way I want it to on paper (or on screen as you are reading this)
Writing on patreon has been difficult in a way for me, this is me, putting my thoughts out there. You and anyone else can read them, judge them and know my inner thinking. Probably why my posts have been quite held back and sporadic at the moment. I can't bring myself to say what is really in my head. I am so worried I will upset someone. Or you will see the real me and think that I am not who I pretend to be. Which again is stupid. because I don't pretend to be anyone. What you see is what you get. But I guess some things that have happened in my past were not pretty and once they are out that is it. Everyone who wants to cam know.
Back to my book. I wrote a story when I was in my early 20's about a girl who was in an abusive relationship, she finds the strength to leave and go travelling, but the demons that she had in the past were still there no matter what country she visited.
She took drugs to get rid of the thoughts, but they still came through.
When I started the book I was so proud it was different to what I had read before and it felt really challenging for me. But any time I told anyone about it. All I got was “are you writing about yourself, why is it so depressing, and when I get it published could they have a free copy”. I was totally put off. I pushed through and even ended up sending it to a few publishers to have a read. I got a lot of positive comments back. I still can’t believe I sent it through to publishers to read.
I got a lot of constructive criticism. Now I am older I can see exactly what they were saying and what I needed to do. Mostly it was the writing is very young, (which it was) and rushed. I was way too hurried to get the book finished.
I joined a writing group in my early 30’s it was so good to get some more feed back from actual writers.
But still I put the book down and never finished it. I got cold feet.
It seems to be what I do a lot. I get really excited about a hobby or something new to learn, then when I get to a certain point I stop. It gets put away never to be touched again.
I have beautiful Ukulele’s, I haven’t played since Eli was born (well maybe two or three times) I have lots of art equipment, but I can’t get my head it to it. I have knitting and sewing.
I think when it’s at the easy part it’s fun and enjoyable. But when I get to a point where it starts becoming a bit difficult, the wee voice in my head says “Christie, you can’t do this you aren’t good enough. You should stop while you are a head.”
Ugh I hate that voice. I wish she would leave me alone sometimes. Maybe I should start posting some of my book in here. Get me back in to the habit of writing and see if the story still holds the same excitement for me.
Would you be interested in reading some of the chapters I have done?