“I ignore the hatersss,” replied CEO Sam S. Septillion. “Thisss sssuplement isss wonderful for your ssscales – I mean, ssskin.”
ViperJuz™. It’s the newest and best-selling liquid supplement on store shelves. Most new ventures avoid this over-crowded market, but not ViperJuz™. They jumped in and quickly became the leader.
Some say the secret is in its marketing. Their ads feature beautiful, fit people, claiming they got that way with ViperJuz™. Other analysts say the drink’s claims that it does it all are its secret formula. A partial list of benefits are that ViperJuz™ cures depression, fixes hair loss, improves mood, and extends energy.
Suspicious yet?
So were food safety advocates. Supplements inhabit a legal gray zone. They are not required to reveal their ingredients. Many are wondering how the drink is made so cheaply, and if it can really do all it claims.
When the non-profit Food Safety Advocate Group released a statement about ViperJuz™, they did not mince words.
“Until we know more about the chemical make-up, and we’re able to test it, we can only conclude the drink is little more than snake oil.”
The timing of the public criticism could not have been worse. ViperJuz™ was in the middle of preparing to go public. Profits nose-dived. The company fought back, hosting an audio-only press conference with reclusive CEO Sam S. Septillion. As of this writing, Mr. Septillion has never shown his face in public.
The questions were tough from the start.
“Mr. Septillion, despite the success of ViperJuz™ many professionals feel the drink doesn’t do all you claim it does. How do you respond?”
“I ignore the hatersss,” replied Septillion. “Thisss sssuplement isss wonderful for your ssscales – I mean, ssskin – too.”
“Some investors have expressed concern with what they see as wasteful spending by your company. The Metropolitan Zoo’s serpentarium recently received a shipment of live East African rats. These are plumper and tastier than the average rats. Care to comment?”
“We want to sssuport the local community. What doesss thisss have to do with our IPO? How doesss thisss inform invessstorsss? Look at our ssstock price. That’sss all that mattersss.”
“How do you explain that a recent chemical analysis of ViperJuz™ indicated it was non-poisonous snake saliva? It was literal snake oil.”
“I can’t sssay anymore,” answered the CEO.
“Sir, are you an actual snake?”
“There isss no time for further quessstionsss.”
The call disconnected. Despite the reservations, investors were still upbeat and bullish.
“Not sure what that press conference exercise was about,” said one day trader. “What do I care if the CEO is an actual snake? What do I care if it works? The business makes money. I’ll be rating this stock a buy.”
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