SUCKER-PALOOZA! Scam Artists Eagerly Pre ...

SUCKER-PALOOZA! Scam Artists Eagerly Prepare to Fleece the Ever-Gullible January 6 Rioters

Jan 06, 2022

“These morons will believe anything,” said Mary (not her real name.) “I scam easy marks so the January 6 rioters are Christmas, Burning Man, and the Fyre Festival all in one for me.”

“These morons will believe anything,” said Mary (not her real name.) “I make serious cash by fleecing marks. To me, any gathering of the January 6 rioters is Christmas, Burning Man, and the Fyre Festival rolled into one.”

Mary calls herself a “creative capitalist” but she is in fact what most people call a scam artist. She sells miracle cures on the internet and in person. 

“It’s vinegar and pepper in a bottle. It has to taste weird and a little bit bad. That makes them think it’s medicine. I sell them for a buck each. But I can make 30 of them for about that much. That’s a huge profit margin.” 

Mary is excited for the one-year anniversary of the January 6, 2021 insurrection at the USA capitol. Many of the riot participants are expected to gather across the country. They plan on continuing their quest to steal an election that they falsely claim was stolen from them. 

For the record, no evidence of widespread voter fraud has been proven. Efforts to do so have been trounced in court. (Source.)

Thomas (not his real name) is as excited as Mary, though he will be running a different scam. 

“I’ll be wearing a suit and claiming that my firm is launching an investigation into voter fraud. I’ve got a card table, my well-written and spell-checked sign. That way they’ll know I’m not just one of them. I’ll be requesting donations to support the investigation. Cash only, of course. I don’t want a paper trail. I’ll tell them it’s got to be cash so I don’t get tracked by the federal government. They eat that up. Any crazy crap you do, say it’s to avoid the feds, and they’ll believe it. I don’t know if they’re blinded by hatred or bias or what. Doesn’t matter to me, though. As long as they hand over the money. CHA-CHING!” 

Once again, to satisfy our lawyers, this Now With REAL™ News! media outlet must state that no evidence of widespread voter fraud in the 2020 election has been proven. Efforts to do so have been soundly defeated in court. (Source.)

Benny (not his real name) is also thrilled that the January 6 rioters may reunite on the anniversary. 

“My scam is different,” he said. “I’m all about redirection. As a corporate lobbyist I’m thrilled these people are distracted by fake grievances. Their rights weren’t taken. You have a right to vote, not to win. They got to vote, their vote was counted, and they lost. It happens. But that’s not what I’ll tell them. I’ll be giving away merch with the snarkiest slogans my team can invent. Bumper stickers, hats, t-shirts, etc. All will support this phony idea that the election was fraudulent. Keep the sheep focused on that instead of the fact that healthcare costs too much, workers barely get any vacation, and the rich get richer while the poor get poorer. I’m not looking to make money at any January 6 rioter reunion, I’m here to keep the outrage going in the wrong direction. Think long-term, baby.”

And yet again, for legal purposes, this reporter is required to inform readers that no evidence of widespread voter fraud in the 2020 election has been proven. Efforts to do so have been spanked silly in court. (Source.)

Those are the facts. But obviously, facts don’t always make a difference. 

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