1. Keep it together
If we are honest with ourselves. We saw the signs of a breakup, but tried to downplay it as not being that serious or still believed that it was solvable. Fast forward and the heartbreak, or calling it quits has commenced and now the playback begins. Before you start reflecting, or do the final talk, make sure to listen closely to their reasons and stay composed in person or over the phone - no matter what.
2. Don't press for too many answers too long
Another tip on how to heal from a breakup is resist being pushy. They will tell you the truth if they respect you and themselves. If they lie to you, it could be a plethora of reasons. The motivation could be a result of a new relationship and they want to hide the truth. Or, they don't trust how you will react. Another option is they're embarrassed or simply not ready. There could be a combination of reasons there are for the ending of your relationship. Whatever it is, try avoid pushing for more reasons and having them telling you the same thing - that it's over.
3. Come clean about your dirt (your truth)
You might be asking, why would you have to say anything and what do you consider dirt? In this case, the dirt or truth would be personal accountability. This is not to point fingers. It is simply a roadmap to retrace your steps and the action steps that you took in the relationship. Did you give all of your love too soon when you said that you wanted to wait? Were you looking for a relationship but you agreed to see where things could go instead? Having a mature conversation about what each of you did or didn't do, is not weak or unnecessary. Infact, it is a great learning tool to take with you and become better in the future.
4. Delete them or block them for now
Depending on the intensity of the relationship or the maturity of the participants in the relationship, this might be a good idea. You know the cycles. You argue, single, make up, then breakup and repeat. Or, you "hook up" knowing the person will only break your heart all over again. Unless you have kids and have to stay in touch, do not underestimate taking a break from contact if you know that it will be hard to stay apart.
5. Don't bad talk them, but speak the truth
Lets face it. We get the ga- ga- googoos for people at times and we are blinded by our feelings to a certain extent. Things that we would mind about, we no longer mind. We tolerate way more than we would because of our feelings that we have for the person. Look back and think about those characteristics or part of their personality that we gave a pass for, and think about the truth of it now. When they weren't so dreamy, just how annoying were their clingy ways or their forgetfulness to you really? This is not about trying to dislike them. This is about seeing the truth and turning off the rose colored views.
6. Reject their energy
You can start to heal from a breakup by rejecting their energy. If you ever heard of soul ties then I am here to tell you that it is real. Even if the person is not a soulmate but was intimate with you in anyway, they can draw in your energy. You can have an entire thought conversation and the person is not even there! When they come across your mind and try to make you romanticize about your time together, speak to the energy and wish them well and release yourself it and say goodbye to it. Think of it as telling the person over the phone that you wish them well and to take care. Instead of telling the person these things verbally, you are saying it energetically.
7. Get back to you
When you formed a relationship with this person. they didn't like you wearing too many accessories or dressed a certain way. You changed your look to appeal to them and to keep their attention. Then it was something else and then another and you somehow managed to turn down your individuality volume. I say turn it up! Let the next person get to see the real you and change what you want to change out of confidence and not fear of losing someone's approval.
8. Do something new
When you got involved in this relationship, it stunted your growth in some way. There were places that you wanted to go and new things that you wanted to try or goals that you were interested in pursuing. Now that you are back to you, it's time to pick up the pieces and explore your interests much more deeply.
9. Forgive them and yourself
A breakup doesn't mean that you are not worthy of love. It ended for a reason and now you find yourself having to start over which can be a scary thing. Take holding grudges off the list. Your happiness needs you and there are certain habits that have to come into play to allow happiness to grow organically. How can any relationship in the future prosper if you are holding onto the previous pain or your regrets? Reward your life a clean slate and move forward.
10. Spend some time alone
We think that after a breakup has occurred, that the next person that approaches you must be the next step. I believe that a breakup can bless you with lessons, growth and discernment and more. While it is not the only way to learn, pain does get our attention to grow. Take this time to date you! Get to know what attracts you to certain people and if you want to attract greater, then treat yourself greater and greater will find you!
