King of Swords - Ambition

Experienced, authority, doctor, philosopher, loyal, generous, focused, creative, strong.

Hello m'dears! How have you been?

I've been on a wee break, thinking about the future of my work and looking after my cat. James had some lumps removed, and thankfully they weren't cancer. I'm trying to return to my work now, but I have some doubts and anxiety about it all.

Who am I to even try to do what I want to do?

Here enters the King of Swords.

I do not relate to him at all. Here is a cool cat; he's self-assured, confident in himself, and comes from a place of authority. All qualities that I could really use!

I've never considered myself an ambitious person (I even looked up the definition to check!) Being ambitious scares me; the word makes me think of life-long careers, the 9-5 grind, five-year plans ... all concepts that cause my fur to bristle (neuroatypical and disabled person here.) I know, in my head, that ambition doesn't have to look like that but I can't shake it from my heart.

To be ambitious is to have a drive to succeed. I do not have drive system. I realised that during group therapy several years ago, but after sharing that realisation with my mental health team, not much has come from it, and I don't know what to do about it by myself.

On the bright side, I have a supercharged threat system.

Now success ... what does personal success mean for me? Honestly, being left alone to make art, raise chickens and goats, grow some of my own crops ... that is my vision of success. Somehow, I feel guilty about that because my vision doesn't include participating in our capitalist hellscape. I have a bigger vision for community success, but this probably isn't the platform for that.

This morning, one of my guides stepped forward with a silver sword. There was a long message that was quite personal, but he tried to hand the sword to me and I couldn't accept it. Then I drew the King of Swords.

Things just clicked into place.

I need to accept what I want from life. I need to own it, and stop feeling guilty for it. Ugh.

  • What are your ambitions?

  • Do you accept them?

  • Does it come easily for you, or is it a challenge for you to accept what you want?

Today I used The Fern Forest Tarot.

I am learning to read various tarot and oracle decks. I can offer simple readings free of charge, or in exchange for a donation. Just ask!