Family father.
Exhausted, my back hurts, I feel the tension, for being responsible for the support of my family. I greeted my wife Donatela with a passionate kiss, although we have been together for many years, I am still in love with this woman. I watch her brown lazy eye, tired of looking after our eight-year-old daughter Antonieta. I admire her person for having given up her law career, to be a housewife, I know it is as tiring as working. Dinner is always ready when I arrive, the house clean and spotless.
My dissatisfaction had nothing on my family. But because I realized that nothing I did was because I really wanted to. The college where we met was due to my father, who was also a lawyer. Getting married was her decision, after so many years of dating.
I am thirty-five years old, short brown hair, I have a beard. I don’t feel fulfilled with my profession, despite working in a large office, I don’t have much to complain about, my house is luxurious, it smells new, freshly painted walls, wooden furniture, some books in my office, a bathtub.
_Already made the reservation at that restaurant, which I wanted? I already called someone to take care of Antonieta, she will have to work double.
_Let’s change her school, I want her to learn to speak English, she will have to work a little more, but we are talking about our daughter’s future.
Fatigue was practically impossible, but Donatela’s smile made the effort worth it, I couldn’t say no to her. His sweet eyes convinced me most of the time. I admired your brown hair, your youthful skin while drinking my coffee.
Lying in bed, I think where I was with my head when I let Donatela manipulate me with her authoritarian way of doubling my working time. I was much more exhausted than I used to be. I was so tired that I dragged myself through the day. I just thought about getting to my house.
Donatela said: _Get a glass of water for your wife?
I said: _I am unable to fulfill your request.
Donatela looks at me surprised by my answer, but this time I didn’t give in.
I blacked out in bed because I was so tired.
I sat down in front of the computer despite all my tiredness, I started writing, I was finally doing what I really wanted. The story was being told.
The words began to appear.
Donatela invaded my private universe, where I was relaxing from the constant demands.
_ Are you not exhausted? But do you have the energy to write?
_I am busy now, close the door, please.
_What?
_Leave me alone Donatela, I’m asking politely.
Despite my attempt to change, it didn’t last long. The look in Donatela’s eye brought me back to my old behavior.
She was sulking, lying on the bed in her nightgown, she used that cinnamon oil, the aroma of which reminded me of her skin in contact with mine. My heart was racing, my hands were sweating, even though I still wanted that woman for so many years. His sturdy body, his thick thigh, made me lose my sanity.
She gave me a sweet look, rubbed her skin and said: _Get a glass of water for your loved one.
I tried to control myself, but when I saw it, I was already taking what she asked for. She had me in her hands and she knew it. Anything she asked for I would do.
_I want you to stop this madness of becoming a writer, you have a family, which depends on you.
_You are right, I have a solid career, I wanted to make a dream of when I was a child, but this will has passed.
_Great think about your daughter, our future.
_I will do that, only you to put my head in place.
There was only the same routine, my life became sour, quiet, predictable, without charm. I missed feeling that life was magical, as during my childhood. To dare. Of living. Now I’m afraid of everything, any change I find myself thinking a lot, most of the time I always make the same choices, even coffee, job, restaurant. My head constantly reminds me of my obligations, I don’t know what it’s like to relax anymore. But writing was an escape, a liberation, as if running away from my own life.
Through writing, I managed to rescue an innocence that I lived when I was a child and believed that everything was possible, when I close my eyes I can smell his woody scent of my father’s perfume, hear his hoarse voice, have the comforting feeling of his embrace when I could feel the texture of his pajamas in contact with my skin. Today I realize that after much analysis of my life, I see that my wife manipulates me exactly as my mother did with him. I lost both of them in a car accident, I miss them. My eyes fill with tears, I don’t even like to think, so my family was very important. Everything I had left.
I went to the finished job, I had the feeling that I was missing the only thing that made sense, my relief. When I wrote there were no charges, it just existed, the world created me. Eduardo my best friend, colleague at work, looked at me during our happy hour and said: _ There is a perfect phrase for this moment that said that it was happening as Alejandro Jodorowsky said, Birds raised in cages believe that flying is a disease, they are used to please to everyone, who is afraid to dare and lose it all.
I said: _You right.
I arrived at my house, inspired I sat that morning I finally wrote a short story, it was small, but it was the first of many, I was sure, I really couldn’t choose between my two loves. I heard Donatela’s footsteps, I smelled her cinnamon scent, the contact of her soft skin with my wrinkled and sweaty dress shirt. I looked with my brown eye at those eyes that always dominated me. I needed to be strong, now I couldn’t go back, my heart had already chosen my path.
Donatela looked at me pouting with her lips like a spoiled child and said: _What are you doing awake this hour?
I took a deep breath and said: _I am writing, I just wrote my first story.
She said: _But this again?
I said: _I know, I don’t remember the last time I did what I wanted, until when we go to the restaurant, you choose what we will always eat. I can’t live like this anymore Donatela, live to please you, don’t be afraid I won’t be absent from the family, I’ll be there, I just need some time for myself and as for the comfort of my work, don’t worry I’ll keep working.
Donatela said: _You can only be crazy.
I said: _I could not be more lucid, if you love me as I believe that love will support me or we will have to separate us.
Donatela: _I don’t support it, but it’s okay to continue working.
She wasn’t going to change overnight, she knew that, but I had changed, now I knew how to set my limit. I would not allow Donatela to manipulate me or oppress my will. A lamp had appeared in the middle of the darkness, a small beginning, but it was still a beginning, due to this detail. She tried to manipulate me with her gaze in front of my office door, I just admired it, knowing that she would no longer let me seduce them. I moved my thin body, turned my eyes to the computer screen, where my mind was noisy with constant demands, it became quiet the moment I started typing a new story.
I looked at my wife a second time and said: _Close the door, now I want to be alone.
He obeyed my request, a little disappointed by my new behavior, I kept writing.
Written by Lollita Scarlett.