Aug 22, 2022
1 mins read
I have such a hard time with self confidence. Even though I've lost 100lbs, I still struggle with seeing anything in the mirror but fat rolls and cellulite. I find my self dissecting compliments, trying to decide if they were sincere or simply from pitty.
My husband cheating on me certainly didn't improve my self worth. It's actually ironic, because I spent the first 9 years of our marriage telling myself that there's no way he could be satisfied with just me. But he broke down every wall until I believed whole heartedly that I was enough for him. I think not seeing it coming makes it hurt a lot worse. I'd much rather him be a total garbage husband who I expect this behavior from. But instead, I'm standing across the sidewalk, staring at the face of the person I love more than life, while he admits to the unimaginable. I've never felt a worse pain in my life. Suddenly, the love of my life vanishes and I'm left staring into the eyes of someone I don't recognize. His face fills with shame, guilt and regret as he admits not only was he unfaithful, he paid a prostitute $100 for just 15 mins of head. Now, my husband is one of the biggest tight wads when it comes to money, so if it's $100, just imagine how much he must have wanted to be intimate with literally anyone but me.
I would give years off my life to erase this. But alas, this pain is mine for eternity.
At least I have some cute picture.