When I first started acting, I made a list.
I sat down and wrote out all of the ways I could become a better actor. I wrote down all of the questions I had about the art of acting and the film industry and drew different paths in my mind about how I could go about answering them. I wanted experience but I wanted to be intentional about it, too. Farther down this list, somewhere after I'd written, "go to acting class," I wrote something along the lines of wanting to attend a director's workshop. At the time, it didn't occur to me that this was an actual thing. As an actor, I just wanted to become better at navigating creative spaces with my director(s) on a film set.
I knew conservatories for acting existed, I knew film schools existed but it didn't really click for me until I began aggressively submitting myself to indie projects after. Eventually, I came across a casting call: Director's workshop at UT Austin. Below were dates, compensation and the breakdown of the scene. Much like most submissions during that time, I didn't get a callback (I'm pretty sure it was because of my headshots and my very green resume) but it got me really curious. I wanted to be in the room. I wanted to learn. Then the pandemic hit and it got lost in priority. Booking as many commercials as I could was the goal for the next two and a half years but even that was difficult.
Fast forward to present day, I'm glad I never got cast for any workshops until now because I have so much more experience as an actor than when I stumbled upon that first casting call. I was able to push myself more and be more grounded in my process- in how I approached the scene, the director, her notes, and my scene partner.
I was away on another project when I had callbacks for the role of Marianne. We had rehearsals for three days before a live, in-class performance followed by commentary and critique from the professor and the class. I was juggling rehearsals for the workshop, callback prep for another film and filming for a separate project all within this time frame. The scene was something from the TV series adaptation of 'Normal People', a book I decided to read and a show I began to watch a few weeks before the casting call even existed. After finishing the book, I remember thinking to myself how interesting it would be to be in an adaptation of something like it. I connected with the characters and I felt for them.
There was a lot to learn during rehearsals. A new director meant a new way of giving direction. I loved the way she directed. She provided such a safe space to explore and breathe. She treated my scene partner and I with respect and asked us questions together and privately about the work. Breaking a character down can become very personal for me, especially when it comes to substitutions. I don't typically share these details so I really liked how the director never breached that boundary with me. She focused on emotion and repetition. She has been the second female director I have had the honor of working with in 2022 and I hope she keeps doing what she does because we need more directors who can connect like she can.
I feel like I downplay a lot of the growth and exploration I've done during the pandemic. I try not to do that so much anymore because everything about the way this all played out affirmed all the hard work I put in in the past; it just all made sense. From the timing of the callbacks, to when rehearsals were, to which film school, who the director was, down to the chosen scene. I took something from every part of this experience and I am grateful to have had the chance to work on my art in this way. I'm so grateful to have had the time to work on my craft before entering such a space.
Even though this experience is eventually going to seem minuscule as I move forward in my career, I am so glad I continued to put myself out there. This all really affirmed my belief that "what is for you, will be for you." If you're new to something, it's okay to admit that you don't know something because that leads to asking questions and then more questions which lead to more answers. Be creative in your approach; be intentional and trust your gut- always.
And PLEASE KEEP BUILDING YOUR CRAFT because you just never know when it'll be time for you to face your dreams. :)
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For December, I decided to work on my photography again. I prepared some portrait sessions and will be releasing them in parts via my blog @ www.marrww.com and Instagram!
Check out the first drop here.
Check out the second drop here.