I've been feeling lots of physical pain recently, mostly headaches and back and neck pains courtesy of course of my mild scoliosis (maybe my posture too). But i've also been thinking about how i'm doing really well emotionally until tonight. I read unaddressed pain can manifest physically too. So is that it? Had I just been safekeeping some of my pain and now i'm tossing and turning in discomfort with this day-by-day deteriorating body to blame for?! If so, I better wait it out few days before calling in for a pt appointment. Maybe what i feel right now, this sudden wave of anxiety and loneliness is my body's failure to contain all of it and maybe if I cry my eyes out tonight, i'd feel better physically.
I'm so so tired and exhausted but at least now i'm not reaching out for a bunch of meds stashed just in case. I'm better now. But it's kind of hard to say whether you are well or not when you know you're trapped your whole life in a pattern of highs and lows. Sometimes it's really hard to believe my emotions are mine when i know it's just chemistry. I used to think limiting everything to its physicality makes any perspective more simple and somehow it still does, just a little bit. I just don't know how to feel relief with it anymore.