-- that's how I reply to all the "How are you?" messages these days. I am not OK, I am not safe, all I can ask for is being alive.
Yesterday was bloody scary. At the very moment when Biden signed the lend-lease they started bombing Odesa. It was extremely loud and sounded very close. People said the skyscrapers swayed from the blast. The biggest damage they did was a hit on a mall. Luckily we had lockdown all day anyway, so it was mostly empty, but still there were some people working there. One person died on the spot. Two are injured, but stable and are going to be OK. The fire was intense though, the whole city was covered in smoke all night. Luckily I have a good air purifier, it helped me immensely.
The entire air raid I was curled in a ball in the corner of the hall, typing nonstop in a dozen of chats with friends asking me to keep typing so they know I'm still alive. I took this picture of me wearing a cooking pan to protect my head from debris in case my house collapses, hoping to make them laugh a little. I know this picture is technically funny like haha a person is wearing a cooking pan as a helmet, but the context is terrifying. Nobody laughed at the moment, but we're having fun with it today.
I know there's more to say about yesterday, but I feel like my mind is fogged. I guess my brain is protecting me from everything, for now. I'll cry about it later, I'll talk to my therapist tomorrow, too.
I feel extremely tense, my jaw and my teeth hurt all the time from being clenched. But I am a little proud of how I dealt with this stress today. I turned on Ukrainian war songs (I'm working on a post about them, it's taking longer than I thought), took the same pan that you can see on my head, and I cooked borscht (a traditional Ukrainian dish - if you haven't tried it, you're missing out) while having a little karaoke/dance party.
We'll rebuild. We'll fix everything. We'll avenge what can't be fixed, we'll get justice for our dead. We'll only become stronger. That's the Ukrainian way.
I am very grateful to the USA and Biden for signing the lend-lease and for all the support we've been getting so far, and for all the comments and messages of support I personally have been getting from all over the world. I am thankful to all who's been reading my blog and supporting me. I am grateful for the hope and faith in our victory that's strong within me. I am gratefl to our soldiers and our volunteers and our officials who are all working tirelessly to protect our lives and our freedom.
I have so much gratitude inside me, and pain, and hope, and fear, and many other things, but for today I'm just mostly happy to see another day.
