Hey, all. Thank you so much for checking in on me. Staying connected and knowing people don't forget about me even when I keep quiet means more than I can put into words. We've all been in situations when words of support were appreciated in times of hardship, but right now it's a whole new level for me, I grab onto every message like a life-saving straw in a whirlpool that drags me down.
But the problem is that I have mentally broken down. I see all your messages and I am so endlessly grateful, but I have no energy to write back. "I am OK" seems fake. "I am alive" with no follow-up feels passive-aggressive. I try to find words to describe how I am doing, and I immediately want to weep or crawl into bed and never get up again. I think I somehow circled back to the state of shock over the situation that I am in. The weather is so lovely, I had such big and beautiful plans for this spring and summer, but instead, I have to hide in a hallway for 6 hours a day while the bombs tear my home apart - how do you make peace [pun not intended] with that reality?
I am emotionally drained. I feel like a shell of a person, I function on auto-pilot. I want to talk about so many things, but I can't deal with words right now. My heart is screaming while my mind is shut down.
I am going to need a few more days of probably mostly lying down, and I'll bounce back because we need to fight, we need to keep going. The fight isn't over.
While I recover, please help me in one fight: save Azov. Our heroes in Azovstal, Mariupol, mean so much to us, Ukrainians, right now, we desperately need them home and safe. Please spread the word. Google them, talk about them, post about them, ask your government to get involved and save them.
I feel like there is nothing I wouldn't give to get them home. If a phone rings right now and someone tells me they'll let set them free if I give up all my possessions and agree to be tortured forever, I'll be putting on my shoes to run and sign that deal before the end of that phone call.
I don't know what the media tells you about Azov. I don't know what opinions each of those people held before the war. What I do know is that I am safe at home right now because of them, they've kept 20 000 troops from invading deeper into our country. They gave us time to arm ourselves and get ready that we so desperately needed. Mykolaiv is standing because of Azov. And Mykolaiv standing means Odesa is standing. They are literally why I'm alive. I'll be forever grateful.
I am begging you from the deepest bottom of my bleeding heart:
please help us save Azov.
Photo by Dmytro "Orest" Kozatskyi, the "eyes of Azovstal" (currently POW)