I see more and more posts like this, and many people congratulating russians on what they call "protests", and I find it extremely offensive. They do not protest the war, they just don't want to be sent there personally. They do have a choice now, very obvious clear-cut choice: 1) prison 2) take a weapon and go kill innocent people. Those who pick option 2 are scum and do not deserve your sympathy, those who choose 1 bear the consequences of their inaction for the past 20 years. By sympathizing with russians you disrespect MILLIONS of victims of russian imperialism whose only choice is: 1) fight 2) die.
This is insulting, disrespectful, tone-deaf, and playing into russian propaganda hands.
"Oh, but they did protest the war too, back in the beginning, but then the police hit them on the head and put them in jail - oh poor russians are so repressed" - fuck you! I heard that argument so many times, I used to bring up Maidan where people were ALSO hit, put in prisons, and even shot at - BY SNIPERS! Did we back down? NO! Now shut up and go do that!
"Oh, but in Ukraine, the propaganda and the oppressive regime weren't as bad as it is in russia, it makes it impossible to have a revolution like that in russia, people just don't want to die or spend years in prisons for nothing, that's just self-preservation and can be understood" - fuck you again, go look at Iran right fucking now. Are they backing down? NO! Shut up and do THAT!
Yesterday Odesa was attacked by Iranian drones, one of them hit a building just a few hundred meters away from my father. They could have killed my father yesterday. Do I still stand with the brave women and men of Iran? YES, I DO! Because unlike in russia they actually show me that I CAN separate the government and the people. They fight for their people and their rights, they stand up to injustice, and yes, obviously the oppressive regime will use force against them - what else did you expect? But they actually fight back. Like, how many examples of real protests do you need, russia?
(What's happening in Iran is all sorts of heart-breaking, they are being silenced, too, so make sure to give them your support and hold up their voices.)
And I don't want to hear about propaganda and brainwashing! It only works if you allow it to work. Propaganda offers you a safe cozy pillow, a blue pill that you take and it brings you into a rainbow world where you are always right and good and nothing bad can ever touch you. Taking that pill is a choice.
russians disgust me. I spent 7 months hating them to the point of blinding rage. But a few days ago I was talking to a friend: she has always been a very kind and very compassionate person. When she was fleeing Kharkiv with her little child and I expressed how sorry I was that NATO won't close the sky over Ukraine, she, the one who spent weeks in a basement and who had lost her house entirely, said: "No-no, I understand, they shouldn't risk other people's lives by provoking putin to escalate". So this person, when we were talking a few days ago, said to me: "Anger is a feeling, hatred is a choice". She believes hatred destroys you from within. I don't think so. Before the invasion, I grew to hate one person, and it helped me get over some self-esteem issues, it helped me accept some of my past behavior and forgive myself for some past mistakes. That hatred was healing. Now I hate russians, and this hatred is fueling. You've read my blog, you've seen how often my words are soaked in hatred. Sometimes that hatred is the only thing that gets me out of bed: there are days when I literally roll out of bed specifically to get to my computer and start yelling at someone online. Then there are days I only cook food or clean my apartment or go out to get groceries because I need to cool my head after hours of yelling. This hatred is what got me through these long 7 months.
But today, just for the sake of it, I decided to choose something else.
Two days ago I drank some wine, allowed this mix of sadness and loathing to settle in, and started searching for the posts and tweets of russians whose family members got conscripted. Then I searched all the dusty old corners of my heart and composed a calm and short message telling them to remember that there is a hotline in Ukraine that they can call and a specialist will instruct them on how to surrender and that it might save their lives. The way I see it, we don't need more deaths. They can save their sad pathetic lives, we can increase our exchange fund. There are a lot of our titans still in captivity. We want them back.
This has been a very... unusual experience. Most people ignored those messages, a few said that they'd transferred that info to their loved ones and thanked me. God, that pissed me off. I wanted to "chose hatred" again and yell at them because I do not need their "thank you"s. I am not doing it for them, I am doing it for my friends on the frontline, who'll be involved in the same meat-grinder these fools are sent to. If I can convince one person to surrender, if I can plant this idea in their stupid little heads, and if it might save our soldiers a life or two, then it's worth doing.
This is their last chance from me. Last time I am choosing something other than hatred. Go ahead and get yourself mobilized. If you don't surrender immediately upon stepping foot on Ukrainian land - I wish you to die. Painfully.
I hate russians, and I need you to understand this very clearly. I hate them. Yes, all of them, yes, even little children. I believe that they are all responsible and they are all disgusting, their pathetic little protests are only to save their pathetic little asses. They did not protest Bucha, Irpin, Mariupol, Kremenchuk, Izum, Olenivka, occupation, sham "referendums", all the nuclear threats, forceful deportation, fuel blackmail... They do not protest the war itself, they protest their personal individual physical involvement in it.
But also - and this is hard for me to say - I have a russian friend. He is also responsible for our suffering, and I am also angry at him. But also he is the only person from russia who did not abandon me this past half a year, he accepts my screaming at him, and all the abuse I throw his way, and the way I threaten to kill him personally if he steps on my land carrying weapons. He regularly checks up on how I am doing, he protested back in February (you know, when they WERE actually protesting the war itself), was arrested, spent time in prison not to pay the fine, the money from which would be used to make more rockets to fire at us. He sent me some info that he thought might be useful for our military and he helped me look through documents trying to find Bucha slaughtermen (back when we thought Bucha was an isolated incident, not a pattern). Basically, he's done all he could think of and he accepted all the yelling from me without the smallest attempt for an excuse. That's why I let him stay in my life. And I care for him. And I'm worried he might get conscripted.
A few months ago I saw a post on Reddit with a photo of a russian soldier who had very obviously committed suicide. It triggered me because my friend always said he'd kill himself if he got conscripted, and I kind of immediately imagined him in that person's place. I made a little comment about how that was the first time I did not feel happy to see a dead orc, and I got so many comments congratulating me on my compassion, and how people were glad to see that I had not lost my humanity.
It pissed me the fuck off.
I swear to god, I'll flip out if I see as much as one comment about how compassionate or human I am for not choosing hatred this one time. This is not about that. All my compassion belongs to my fellow Ukrainians. I hate russians, and I'm fine with hating them, and if any of you turn this into any sort of story about the "connection between two warring nations", I'll flip the fuck out!
Like, I need your signature that you understand that loud and clear or I swear to God...
To all those who still feel sorry for russian conscripts, please join me in this little mental exercise:
Imagine that you're at home having a lovely family dinner. Imagine that I suddenly kick down your door, enter your house, and shoot your family members in the head. Then I turn to you and I say: "Sorry, it's not personal, they were holding a gun to my mom's head and they told me to come here and shoot your mom or they'll kill her. I did not want to, but I had no choice, it's not my fault, blame the guy who's holding a gun to my mom's head!"
What will you say to me? Will you forgive me? Will you say "Oh, sure, no hard feelings"? If you can't say that then shut up about "poor oppressed russians." They are not the victims, they are compliant accomplices. They chose to go ahead and kill innocent people instead of standing up to the guy with a gun. They decided that we should be the ones to pay the price for their decisions and actions/inaction.
When you sympathize with russians - you spit in the faces of their victims.