So I am discovering all over again what it means to take care of yourself. You'll be shocked to learn that it's not just "make sure you have food, water, and shelter - and then just shut up and survive". It's also "download some cartoons on your tablet so you have something to watch when you're feeling down; use the fucking flashlight to read that book; go charge your phone in a cafe so you can be around people for a while, a cup of tea and a cupcake once in a while won't make you broke just yet". I know, who would have thought?! It has been mentally draining though. 5 days of this, and I am already losing my mind.
I still can't get over the fact that I had to throw some food out, I still cry about it. Every last Saturday of November we honor the Holodomor victims. I found my great-grandfather's name in an official register of the victims. I told his story here before. I hear all these stories about those times. People eating each other, people hiding their loved ones from the villagers who went insane and wanted to kill and eat them. People cutting off parts of their bodies so they could feed their children. People digging out the corpses of horses to eat their rotten flesh. Throwing food out on a day like this is a double insult to their memory. But I tried to eat the food that looked OK-ish, and I got sick.
Anyway, I'll stop here today because I don't want to spiral (again).
There is this book about Holodomor called "The Yellow Prince" ("Жовтий князь"), twice nominated for Nobel Price. I looked for its translation into English, but I don't think it exists which is weird because the author was actually living in America when he wrote it as he had to escape Soviet russia. I'll try looking for a translation again, but if I don't find it I think I'll make it, which gonna suck because I still have nightmares about that book 17 years after reading it for the first and only time. But more people should read it, so it has to be done.