When we win this war, I'll have a whole other war to fight, and that one will be for the rest of my life.
I find it a little hard to put into simple words, so I'll illustrate with examples, I might get a little angry in the process, please forgive me in advance. This post is gonna be a little on edge. I am on edge. I will understand if you disagree, but these are my honest feelings as of right now.
A few days ago I saw a post written by a Ukrainian man about something, I don't even remember what. In the comments, there was a person who told him that he was pathetic and why wasn't he fighting on the frontlines, and that texting on Twitter won't help anyone. I got a little angry (as I often do on Twitter) and I told him to fuck off and leave the man alone. The immediate reply I got from that commenter was "So this is how you thank me for all the help I've given you. I see." That one made me furious. Yes, Ukrainians need help. We appreciate this help, we are very grateful, and we need it, and we'll keep accepting it. But no way in hell will I be shamed for getting this help. No way in hell will I let this help be an excuse to bully us. He said he "was laughing in the face" of our men who escaped abroad illegally. Bitch, they had to escape a WAR because the European community didn't protect them as they had promised and now they're being killed! Leave our refugees, both legal and illegal, alone! They're badass survivors!
You know, the ruzzian zombies often throw in our faces the question "Where have you been for 8 years while Donbas was being bombed?" (they use it as an excuse for Russian aggression, as my ex-mentor put it "someone had to save poor children of Donbas"). The answer to that question: Ukraine asked the UNO to send peace-makers to Donbas 11 times. One country vetoed that request 11 times. I'll give you three guesses to figure out what country that was. This question is a bit of a meme over here in Ukraine, but honestly, I want to ask this question to those who are shoving their oh so generous help into our faces. Where have you been for 8 years? We gave up our nukes in exchange for a promise of protection of our borders. Where have you been since 2014 when Crimea was annexed? Where were you when they supplied weapons to feed the war in Donbas? Why did you let Russia have a voice in the UNO after that? Why did you let an aggressor veto the decisions to fight against themselves? You are not helping me, you are fixing your mistakes, darling. You let it get to this point. NEVER throw the "I'm helping poor Ukrainians" in our faces because we've got things to throw back.
In the early days of the war, there was another lady who argued with me when I, with the rest of the Ukrainians was screaming, begging NATO to close the sky. She told me that that would be an escalation, and they can't provoke Putin or he'll start WWIII and what, did I want HER children to start dying? Did I want a nuke to kill millions of people just to close the sky over Ukraine? Basically, "Oh well, yes, your children are dying, but their death is what keeps MY children safe, so you have to understand". Why should OUR children be sacrificed to a tyrant for YOUR peaceful sleep? How are your children more important than ours? Do you know how infuriating it is to hold that kind of conversation with a lady somewhere in her cozy safe home while you're typing replies from a floor in the hallway under the air raid sirens? "You have to understand," she tells me. Why? Why should I? How is your safety more important than mine? Why do my people have to die to keep your peace? "Fine," - she tells me in the end. "I'll donate to Ukrainian charity another $50, though I've already donated $100 and I'm struggling to pay my bills." Thanks. That fixes everything. I'll go tell the dead children of Mariupol that their deaths were for the greater good, shall I?
On Reddit, there was a person with whom we were holding a pretty nasty argument (these days I'm not trying to hold polite discussions: I let my anger off the leash because honestly, it helps me let off steam) until I guess he opened my profile, saw that I was Ukrainian and apologized for his tone. He said he was sorry my country was dragged into a conflict with our "marionette president". First of all, I need not your pity just for being a Ukrainian, I can handle a stupid Reddit fight. Second of all, when my people did not like a marionette president we LITERALLY chased him away from our land never to return. How dare you tell me the man that I personally voted for is a "marionette"? We fought for our right to be seen as a democratic society. Yes, we're not perfect, and still have a lot to work on, but this disrespect is unwarranted and unfair.
A whole other category is people who blame Ukraine for incoming world hunger. You know the starving children in Africa? Turns out Ukraine had a large part in actually feeding them. And now there are people who say that it's our fault that they keep starving. Not Russia for blocking our ports and stealing our grain. Us. We should lay down our weapons, accept enslavement and genocide - you know, for the starving children in Africa. Oh, what was that? The children starved in Mariupol? Now, who cares about that! They have blond hair and blue eyes after all. Yes, there's another layer of geniuses who claim that the world only cares about Ukraine because we have blond hair and blue eyes and apparently that's what our flag represents. It doesn't even mean that it's not true. Ukrainian gene fond is mostly dark hair and dark eyes, but that whole argument is a level of stupid I don't want to dive in. Our flag represents a blue sky and a yellow field of wheat btw.
There are much more examples, but I'm getting too heated to continue. Soon I expect a wave of "boohoo, you've only won Eurovision because people pitied you". We haven't won yet, but yeah, I'm pretty confident in our guys.
What I'm trying to say is that I can see that for the rest of my life I'll be meeting all sorts of people. Please don't think that I'm ungrateful for the help I've been getting. I swear on my life that neither I nor future generations will ever forget those who came to our aid in all of the numerous ways we've been helped. But I know I'll be meeting those people too. I've decided that I will not be turning the other cheek. I will be fighting every time I come across them. Because fighting for our right to be ourselves is apparently the destiny of my people. Unfortunately, I am a victim of this war. But being a victim does not mean I want pity. Getting help does not mean that I will silently take bullying as a sick "repayment" for that help. We deserve to be respected and rest assured we'll demand that respect!
I know my world is pretty black and white right now, but this is how it has to be while I'm still living through a traumatic experience. There is a lot of love and gratitude inside me. Every person who's supported us, even if you simply kept us in your thoughts and wished us well - I am eternally grateful to you, you'll always be welcome in my house and I'll feed you the best Ukrainian dishes you can imagine. But also I will be fighting to protect our dignity, our right to defend the right to live free and peacefully on our own land. And that will probably last forever.