People will pose the question, "What are you thinking about?" and quite honestly, a lot of the times the correct response would be "Nothing." Or I'm thinking about how I'm not thinking about anything. There might be a little bit of internal dialogue happening back and forth… mostly, "Kris, why aren't you thinking of anything?" with the answer being "Huh?"
There's these moments where you totally drift off into thought about nothing. I'll stare into a certain focal point on the wall, a colorful plant, or a cord running across my desk. Where you running to, cord? It just feels so nice to feel and think nothing. It's like giving yourself a baseline. I'm not meditating or anything, I'm just so fucking content that nothing NEEDS to be thought about. I can just relax and enjoy the moment. I can smell the environment I'm in, I can enjoy all the colors of my surroundings, I can taste the food I'm eating... or about to be eating.
With less thought, you're able to take in so much more. But again, this doesn't mean meditation, it just means being in the moment…being present. It's almost like when you don't focus on something visually and then you can see your periphreals far more, or at least be aware of what's going on in them.
This is the same thing. When you zone out, you can be much more aware of everything happening around you…visually, audially, scent-ally…all your silly senses. You can feel more. Everything. Not each moment needs to be filled with something to do. I've met a lot of people throughout my life that couldn't just enjoy a moment to do nothing. Always in a rush to do the next thing without even being where they're at. It felt audacious and disrespectful to not only the people around you, but also the moments that life gives you
What's the big deal about doing nothing? Why must each day, hour, minute have SOMETHING to do? Can't you do nothing? When you do nothing, you have far more opportunity to do something. I know this sounds counterintuitive, but it really is true. How can you go on that spontaneous adventure when your entire day is planned out? If you were doing nothing beforehand, now you know if you really want to do something… because you were able to have that baseline of nothing. Isn't that something?!
It's a lot, I know. But it doesn't have to be. It could just be nothing. Wouldn't you rather a bit of nothing? C'mon, think about it. Just a day to slow down, drink your coffee, stare out the window, go for a long walk…or do none of it. Maybe you want to stare at the wall all day. Fucking A' - go for it. You'll be far more relaxed and then even just getting a cup of Joe will be a whole hell of a something.
These have become my Mondays. A lot of times we're so busy from Tues-Sunday that come Monday I'll leave my phone in the other room for the majority of the day while I can watch moments come to me. Lots of mediation, stretching, writing, reading, drinking some coffee …then just staring and getting lost in thought. Mundane Mondays is what I've been calling them. It's really peaceful. No real conversation, no heavy amounts of work, just having a slow and steady pace for the day. And then when I want to go do a "big" something, like get lunch…I can go do it, because I didn't already pack my schedule with a shit-ton of somethings.
Nighttime is always the best for nothing because it's right before you get to do the ultimate nothing - sleep. But that's always a big something. That's when your body and mind sort out what's useful and what's not. The good shit gets kept and the other shit get's thrown into the dumpster. Your body recovers when you sleep. You build muscle, burn fat, and shed useless memories…or what you've deemed useless. Turns out, just having those moments of nothing allow for stronger memory. That could be bullshit, I'd check on it. Seems right, though.
Personally, I would love a nothing moment, but I jacked my evening up with a bunch of somethings. And dinner isn't ready anyways, so I can't just pace around like a madman with a napkin on his collar and a fork in the right hand and the knife in the left. The knife has to be in the right hand, obviously. Or double-knife it for that true Halloween vibe.
Nothing was going to get accomplished anyways, so why not write? Oh shit, we have ourselves a dilemma, boys and girls. Because I stay disciplined about my writing before dinner Monday through Friday…I lose out on precious moments to …accomplish…nothing. SHIT.
So what's more important and how much nothing does one person need? Am I getting enough nothing? Am I doing too much something? Maybe I should pull some somethings from the schedule to allow for nothings? Maybe nothings need to be spontaneously planned? Maybe I'm getting small moments of nothing while doing the something? This is really becoming a something...
My head hurts.
Well, I have 5 minutes until dinner is ready so I guess I should wrap this up because editing takes about that much time. I know, with the level of scholarly writings you've been reading, you would think that I edit for hours until I've reached my 15th draft. I appreciate the kind thoughts, but this is purely to keep the sanity and continue to express whatever is bouncing around upstairs.
And today it's a whole lot of nothing. The entire week has been spent sorting shit out so tonight, in this moment, I'm finally at a moment of peace. The body feels a little beat up, but mentally things are smooth sailing. It's nice to feel calm. Do people feel like this all the time? Is this normal? Should I be anxious, upset, angry, sad…should there be more emotions? Is something buried? I don't think so. It feels nice…it feels like I'm sitting by the ocean listening to the waves, staring off at the horizon and thinking about nothing… just enjoying the moment.
Through thoughts of nothing, you're seemingly everywhere and where you are currently - all at the same time. The nothing is a state of mind. When you're mentally in that state of mind, it's always familiar. It's like Happy Gilmore's happy place…but with more little people riding fake horses.