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A New Session

A New Session

May 05, 2022

It's really hard to concentrate
My thoughts are coming at a blinding rate,
I've tried to medicate,
But my system is obstinate.

I tried to tell them but they hear only what they want to
They would rather believe a lie than tell what is true
Refusing to face the mirror that is me,
Afraid of the view.

It's really hard to operate
When you weren’t shown how to tolerate,
When the ones you trusted only pontificate and manipulate,
Self-confidence, they would decimate.

Picture perfect family is how they like to be displayed.
But turn around and walk away, their smiles fade.
You’ve been betrayed,
From the inside out, they are decayed.

They hid behind masks of religion and tradition,
They hid their depression,
Used you to blame for their addiction,
But all of it was part of their delusion.

This isn't a game but it looks like an arcade,
Or maybe the circus, look at all the clowns on parade.
Holding on to the charade.
Lying for over a decade,
I'm sorry, a spade is a spade.
These words carry weight
Doesn’t matter, too late to exonerate,
Too late to assimilate,
So, for now, I'll join the masquerade.

I can put on a face too
Look ma, now I look just like you.
But in my case, there are more than just a few
Too bad, too late, no reverse, and no undo.

Is this it? Alienate!
Take the blade,
Decide my fate!

Don’t hesitate,
Do it the right way so it won’t coagulate
Scream and scream but it’s too late.

The voices say, “Let him go, he’s just dead weight.”
“Do not resuscitate.!”
“All he did was instigate
And contaminate.”

(Wake up)(Start breathing again)
They say cats have nine lives, but I’m past ten.
Something has been trying to get me since way back when,
I finally had a protector that came from a pen.

Once I gave him a face
With my enemies, he plays.
In the shadows, his birthplace
Now by my side always.

They'll keep trying, we’ve still got plenty of time,
I’ve got too much to say, and I am still in my prime,
Over the mountains they built, I'll always climb
The punishment has never fit because there was no crime.

A child is a child and should always be heard
Not told to just sit still and not another word.
I learned what was preferred,
And eventually went wayward.

A lot has been said during this new session,
Past and present, voices and depression.

Now, do you think it's repression?
Don’t just make an assumption,
You would think by now I would have made a correction.
But you've got to look at it with a different perception,
Then make the connections,
Step back and don’t blow out of proportion,
Look at the deeper condition
And the only conclusion…

This is what happens when your mind learns to duplicate,
Then animate,
The self becomes something separate.
It's hard for me to demonstrate,
So I do my best to articulate.

I just hope it's not too late...

Now I’m constantly battling inside my head
The only way it’ll be over is when I’m dead.
Once upon a time my favorite color was green, now it's red,
No guardian angels, I have demons instead.

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