Feb 24, 2022
5 mins read
Readers have been sending in their Clinton–Lewinsky jokes; most are funny, but unprintable. Below is collection of Clinton/Lewinsky jokes that we consider appropriate for family fare. If you come across any others, please send them our way, and we'll add them to the list.
Why did Charlie Trie come back to the U.S.? -He heard Revlon had a job opening.
Sources reveal that President Clinton and O.J. Simpson have reached an important agreement: If Clinton will help O.J. find the man who killed his ex-wife, O.J. will help Clinton find the man who had sex with Monica Lewinsky in the Oval Office.
What do you get when Ronald Reagan, Al Gore's wife, and Bill Clinton are in a room together?
-Gipper, Tipper, and Zipper
-While Bill, Hillary and Chelsea were vacationing at Camp David, their White House personal housekeeper was charged with looking after their pet parrot.
They hadn't been gone for more than a day when the parrot was found dead at the bottom of its cage. The housekeeper knew the First Family would be devastated at the loss of one of their family pets, so she set out to find a replacement bird and visited nearly every pet store in Washington, D.C. After nearly two days, she came across an almost exact duplicate of the bird. As she purchased the parrot, the shop owner cautioned her that the bird had previously been owned by a Madam and had lived for several years in a house of ill repute. The housekeeper replied that no one would ever know, and she took the bird back to the White House.
The morning after the Clintons returned to the White House, Chelsea walked through the room and the bird said, "Too young." A little later Hillary came into the room and the bird responded with, "Too old." Late that afternoon the President entered the room and bird said, "Hi, Bill."
Recipe for Clinton stew: One weenie in hot water.
A demonstration to show support for the President is being organized-it will be called the Million Mistress March.
What position !did Monica Lewinsky have at the White House?
The latest Clinton dodge: "I didn't impale."
Is the President having sex with Tipper Gore?
—No, but pretty soon Tipper Gore will be having sex with the President.
The video of Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton shown repeatedly on TV actually memorializes a very special moment for them both. It was the first time they had seen each other face-to-face.
Have you read Hillary Clinton's new book? It's called It Takes a Village . . . To Satisfy My Husband.
Dan Quayle, Frank Gifford, and Bill Clinton were in a spelling bee. Unbelievably, Dan Quayle won! He was the only one of the three who knew that 'harass' was one word.
Did you hear how Clinton now plans to build his bridge to the 21st century?
—On federal prison work release.
At church last Sunday, Clinton was challenged on his assertion that oral sex does not constitute adultery. Defending himself with particular vigor, Clinton declared that he had found clear, scriptural support for his position—
. . . in St. Paul's letter to Penthouse.
Why was it difficult for Clinton to fire Monica Lewinsky?
—He couldn't giver her a pink slip without asking her to try it on first.
What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
—When Hillary is out of town.
What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
—A girl who can run faster than the Governor.
Bill Clinton will have his own room named after him in the White House . . . the Oral Office
What will future analysts of his Presidency say was Clinton's primary dysfunction during his second term?
What did Bill Clinton do when the abortion bill hit his desk?
—He paid it.
What's the difference between when Chelsea Clinton gets lonely at college and when her dad gets lonely at the White House?
—Chelsea goes to phone Socks, but Bill goes for phone sex.
Know why oil stocks are so weak?
—Major drilling in White House.
Someone asked Bill Clinton what he thought about Rwanda. He replied, "I never touched her!"
What's the difference between the Clinton White House and a brothel?
—You have to pay for sex in a brothel.
Another charge has been leveled against Bill Clinton, that of impersonating a Kennedy.
They're doing away with presidential bookmarks . . . The President prefers to bend over the pages.
How can Clinton take care of Miss Lewinsky?
—Let Ted Kennedy drive her home.
What does Bill Clinton say after sex?
—"Hillary, I'll be home in 15 minutes."
Bill Clinton will go down in history as the first President to contract sex from aides.
The Wizard of Oz visits Washington D.C. He sees Al Gore and asks if there's anything he wants.
"Well, sure!" says Al. "I'd like to have a brain."
"Done!" says the Wizard, and he gives the veep a brain.
Next he sees Al D'Amato, the Senator from New York, and asks if there is anything he wants. D'Amato thinks for a second and says he would like to have a heart.
"Done!" says the Wizard, and he gives the Senator a heart.
Finally the Wizard sees Bill Clinton and asks if there is anything the President wants.
Bill pauses, looks around for a minute and quietly asks, "Where's Dorothy?"
Bill Clinton's defense to Monica's allegation: "I didn't tell her to lie in the deposition, I told her to lay in that position."
Did you hear that Mrs. Clinton is now in charge of hiring new interns?
—Her first hire was Lorena Bobbitt.
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers?
—To keep his ankles warm.
A reader writes, "A recent poll asked 2000 women if they'd have sex with Bill Clinton. A shocking 94% replied, 'Never Again.' "