Why You're Obsessed with Control

Does the very concept of ‘going with the flow’ make your insides shudder?

You know that feeling where your right eye instinctively shudders when someone tells you to just lean back, relax and allow life to surprise you?

Or when you assume that when someone says ‘whatever happens, happens’, it’s their way of giving up on what they truly want? (Although a caveat with that is that many people do say it when something doesn’t work out for them so it’s coming from that energy that you assume so you’re not entirely wrong, but this is a reminder that you can say it from a place of empowerment too.)

Aight, let me tell you something.

I am the queen of wanting to control everything.

Or I was.

It was a part of my identity for so long that recently, I’ve been working to shed it because let me tell you: it hasn’t been as spectacular as one would ideally think.

It has caused immense anxiety and put a strain on myself and my relationships with others.

I needed everything perfect and planned out.

If it wasn’t, I’d panic that I wasn’t good enough.

Wild, right?

So why oh why do we have an obsession with control?

What makes it so hard for us to let go and just truly be present in the moment?

I have a couple of answers for you:
1. What people said growing up
→ Growing up, you often felt like your worth was determined by your success. As a result, in order to be successful, you needed to be in control of everything. From your regimented routine to the precise, desired outcome- everything needed to be in order - or else. You may have experienced moments where your relatives treated you in such a way, or you may have seen it or heard from them or others.

2. Hustle culture & the need to succeed 
→ With hustle culture & the instant access to others’ lives, you may feel as though you need to control things in order to get the same, or better, results than those who you see online. 

3. Past trauma
→ If you have experienced a past trauma, there’s an increased chance for you to need to control things. Why? Because you feel like if you’re in control, then something bad won’t happen again. This can be from something like being scolded for being too la-di-da, to something like a relative passing away. 

Control often stems from the need to not feel pain again.

Grief. Worthlessness. Humiliation. Shame. These are just some of the feelings that can cause us to try and remain in control of our lives and hold onto things a little bit too tightly.

However, what it ultimately comes down to is fear.

It’s not the fear of grief or worthlessness or humiliation or shame.

It’s the fear of FEELING these feelings.

It’s the fear that wants you to be in control.

Unfortunately, we’re not taught how to feel the feels and be okay with them in school.

But I do help you explore this my new self-paced program, MAIN CHARACTER VIBES.

In this 6 module, ABSOLUTELY SPECTACULAR course, I’m going to be helping you let go of control AND feel safe in doing so.

Release the control, and watch your life become even more magical!

Join the waitlist now here.

P.S If you want next level support, you can apply now for 1:1 Coaching here.