I promised God if He healed my daughter, I would get smoking. But before we start on that let me tell you how I finally reached this point.
On 2-22-2022 my mother-in-law passed away. Before she did it was suspected she had cancer. I told our kids she might have cancer and that she was really sick and that we needed to be ready to let her go. They asked me what cancer was and I told them the best I could. My awesome self told them about lung cancer and how people who smoke get it. So, not only did my kids hear their grandma might have cancer but they heard that something that their mom does a lot during the day could kill her. Not a smart move if you don't want your kids reminding you every day that I was going to die.
I have been smoking for 30 years!! starting when I was 15. The only time i would quit was when I was locked up and the moment I got out, I started again. Now, with almost 12 years of sobriety, smoking is my only addiction. It brings me peace. At least it did until my kids learned about cancer. Every day and every time I bought more smokes they would ask me to stop. I promised them I would, and I would try and just go buy more. It isn't easy!!!
Fast forward a bit and our son is sick. He has had stomach issues and they stared acting up again. So, I prayed and said God if you heal my son, I will quit smoking. He isn't healed but we are headed in the right direction. So, big yay. I did however not quit smoking. The stomach bug ran through our house twice. Now, a week ago, a bad cold virus has made its rounds. Now, we are to the point of the story.
Before we get there let me explain a thing about me. I am a Christian. I believe in Our Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. I do the best I can to not sin and teach my kids about all the things about being a good Christian. My husband, our daughter and I have been baptized in a river by our most awesome pastor. I have taught my kids that if you pray and promise God something they need to do it. I did not listen to my own words. Now, here is the rest of the story!!!
We are now back to the part where the cold virus hit our house. It started with our youngest. One Wednesday night she started saying her throat hurt. I hugged and felt she was hot. Took her temperature and it was 102*.
I laid with her until she fell asleep. She crawled into bed with me and daddy and slept the rest of the night. The following day her fever was gone. She seemed fine. Again at bedtime she started feeling sick again. She had a cough. I gave her meds to help suppress it and off to bed we went. She again crawled into bed with us and coughed all night. The next morning was church and my husband said he would stay home with her and the other kids and I would go. So, off we went.
That night her cough got worse. I propped her up and gave her meds and sat with her all night. It was the bad cough that sounded like a mad barking seal. She would sleep for 30 minutes. Cough again. Sleep again. Cough again. It was awful and scary. I called the nurse hotline, and they gave me tips on how to help. If I felt she needed to go to the hospital I should go. Because she didn't have labored breathing when she was asleep, I decided i would start with the tips they gave. I wrapped her up when she would wake up and take her outside in the cold air. That calmed her. I started a steam bath and she freaked because she didn't want to take bath. I put on a humidifier and rubbed Vicks on her chest. I did all the things,
I even prayed. I was scared and when I am in fear, I pray. I laid next to her and had a convo with God that went like this.
"God! Please make her better!"
" I will my child"
(She would cough bad again)
"Please God I will do anything"
"Anything?!"
"Yes! I will quit smoking. I will ration out what I have left so it is easier on me"
(she woke up again coughing)
"Easier on you my child?"
"FINE!!!! I will quickly finish these last two packs and will stop. I promise God. Please just make her better!!!"
She slept for 2 hours straight. I laid next to her watching her breathing.
Now, here we are today, April 27, 2022 and I have no smokes. I have prayed for the strength, and the cravings to go away. So, far....it sucks. But what I witnessed through my daughter is, if you keep making and breaking a promise to God, he is going to make things a bit difficult. I don't believe my God is a punishing God. I believe that when He has a promise from you he expects you to keep it.
Believe it or not, my daughter cough went away. Yes, I know that viruses pass. I also believe in the power of prayer. I prayed she wouldn't have to go to the hospital. I prayed it wasn't more than just a cold. I prayed that she gets better. And she did.
I told my husband and he said God put it on my heart o stop. He hasn't smoked for a month I think. He would take a cigarette from me in the morning because he was still chewing and didn't want to chew until after his first cup of coffee.
I have always believed in God. I have always prayed when I was in addiction. I prayed when I was in trouble. I got out of trouble only to get back into it. I prayed for Him to take me because i had no desire to live and He said no. He held my heart when I lost our first baby and when my mom died. He kept me out of prison and saved my marriage. My God is an awesome God.
I will pray daily for the strength to not smoke. I will think daily about the money I will save. I will partake in more things and activities with my kids because now I have the money. I also told my dad that if I worried about how I was going to afford food for my sons restricted diet, I probably shouldn't use that money for smokes. A great thing too is my kids are less likely to smoke.
So, if you are the praying type, please pray for me to quit smoking. I have smoked for 30 years! This is longest thing I have ever stayed committed too.
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