This is a poem written by myself based on true events of my life. I hope you enjoy.
"Dear Mom"
I wake up in a puddle of sweat
I have nightmares of his hands in my bed
Its like Im drowning and its repeating in the back of my head
I thought I could get you to leave me alone
But 20 years old and still hates being alone when Im home
Because thats when the fears get the loudest
Opening up like this is a moment damn near my proudest
But these demons keep pushing me, I swear they're the foulest
These demons are dead with the body they were in
I was only eleven back then
I remember the house I grew up in
And how those demons would rattle that place
Id lay awake all night, just staring at the ceiling
Ive spent my whole life trying to run away from that feeling
That feeling of being hit
That feeling of being lost
That feeling of being sick when the lights turn off
That feeling of being depressed
That feeling of being anxious
That feeling of screaming to mom
Begging her to take this
Only to get hate and anger in return
Id lay in that bed crying and Id toss and Id turn
I still cry to this day
That house was never a home, there must be another way
I tried to love, but your hate still hasnt gone away
So forgive me if i fantasise you being gone one day
I left them behind, i regret it even today
But I will always be here because I know your ways
I am the fire now, but I started as just a spark
I am finally out of the fucking dark
Everyones coping with something, but wont admit it
They're all too afraid
Now these kids are glued to watching me, what do I say?
If Im honest with them maybe they wont think highly of me
But if I am silent, I am everything she wants me to be
I want them to know they’re not alone in their struggles
I wake up in tears and fall back asleep in these puddles
I hope they make it through this abuse they’re in
I hope they never have to feel that pain again
Terrified that all along, none have counted the days
And if they have the number must be astronomic
My life is her joke and she keeps reading
Pass the fucking comic
Because everything you think i am is far from the truth
I wish i could open up to you and just let loose
But my vocal cords get tight when you pull on this noose
And then im back to keeping everything bottled up inside
But shes not keeping me from pulling the throttle back this time
I cant get them out so now its time to announce this
Im telling my story and you cant stop me from yelling out like this
Im not going to be a slave to your words of hate, causing anxiety
Im shoving the hate back for every time that you beat down on me
And im taking my flame to these demons
Who whispered “whore” in my ear
And im ignoring every naysayer
Who stands by while shes near
Im breaking this cycle
Each step is a mile
Yes, I fell but i got right back up
I became the flame and lit myself up
Im setting fire to the past and im dousing your hate in gasoline
Look at you now, now youre not laughing at me
“I didnt need this shit tonight?”
What are you trying to be?
You were supposed to be my mom
I just wanted the love, but you were a lie to me
I was only fifteen years old and I cant take that back
I tried to end my life and you didnt care about that
You took me down but i bounced right back
I was lost, but now im found like that
And everything you told me i wasnt
Someone new told me i was
And everything you hated in me
Someone new taught me to love
And when you tried to kill me, with hate and anxiety
I broke free and placed hope deep inside of me
So i'm done listening to you and letting you control me
I'm announcing it now that my bloodline can't hold me
Ive walked away from the old me
And im demanding a refund on all the hate you sold me
I knew id find a way out sooner or later
Now
I will never cater