Hey there and Happy Saturday, Folks!
You know how sometimes the universe feels like a well orchestrated masterpiece and each component of your life is hitting just right? I was living in that easy vibe of trust and amazement over the last two months. I was feeling so grateful and connected. My labor paid the bills! My credit was being healed! My laundry was getting done in a timely fashion! My breathing felt expansive and relaxed for the first time in... forever?
Here I am! Feeling so stable and supported in the hands of the universe, like this ceramic kitten I adopted from a craft market in a warehouse I explored with some dear friends last weekend.
Thursday I found out that one of my nanny families would not be able to continue to employ me. That was an unexpected cymbal solo right there.
So...
You know how sometimes the universe feels like you're a solo pilot during a routine flyover, then all of a sudden some abrupt system failure throws you into a tailspin and all your instruments are telling you to GTFO of there, but you have to fight your brain and G forces to remember All That Training so you can pull yourself out of what is now becoming a nosedive into an unsuspecting rural mountain village filled with children and cherished elders?
I woke up this morning with this phrase on the edge of my tongue. I am terrified and I am supported.
It is easy to be surefooted when things are going well. The chaos inherent in the process of living an intentionally anti-capitalist life can't always lend itself to ease. I keep checking in with myself about why I'm choosing to live life in Hard Mode. The truth of the matter is even if I were to completely abandon my goals to build Bonus Room and an unconventional life in the process, the alternative would not really be easier. I would need to quit unschooling my kids, close the Airbnb, and drop the other two nanny families I support with my care work. Not to mention how DELIGHTFUL it would feel to live some more days auctioning off my labor to the highest bidder while knowing my passion for community care was rotting away on the back burner. Nah. Hard pass.
I have to stay the course. There is no ejection seat on this aircraft.
I am more than a little entertained by the joke that the news of my underemployment comes the week before American Capitalism turns up the volume on pestering us all to Be Thankful on Thursday, and then over-reach our financial capabilities on Friday. Proving we are all Good Little Consumers with the promise of socks filled with sugar plums really is a weird way to show people we care about them.
But whatever, here I go! Into my workshop to make a very lofty wishlist and create objects people can purchase and turn into Gifts. There is no ethical consumption under capitalism so I'm going to make my anti capitalist art and assemble my trash crafts and call on community to support my vision of a care collective that makes space for children and their caregivers. Since there is no promise that my labor will reap the resources necessary to pay all my bills, I might as well have fun during this holiday week!
Here is how I'm planning to pull myself out of this unexpected tailspin:
• I will be duplicating my art listings from Redbubble to my Buy Me a Coffee Extras section. This means by the end of the week, anyone will be able to purchase and print my art in whatever most humble or extravagant means they see fit.
• I will be completing and printing a limited number of the SIX zines I've been futzing over (because perfectionism only crumbles under external time constraints.)
• I will be finishing THREE trashcraft paintings I have started and hope to use that momentum to start some new projects.
• I will be following through with clothing collection plans for Bonus Closet! The next clothing swap is on 12/1 (and you should totally RSVP at that link.)
• I will be sketching and sharing my plans and wishlist for opening the Bonus Room Care Collective on schedule on 12/1. The Bonus Closet swap will be a fun kickoff!
• I will be building some furniture and finishing some renovations with free pallets and materials I've already invested in to be ready to welcome BoRo members into this gift experiment IN REAL LIFE.
It's happening, y'all. It has to. Now more than ever.
Six "little" tasks to chip away at this week. Six personal gauntlets that I need to commit to in order to prove to myself that this work is Timely, Important, Valued, and The Right Choice. Even if this path is dark and full of terrors...
As always, this community is so dear to me. You have taken the time to read this far, and in doing so, have challenged me to live in my vulnerability. Your moral support this week will be the difference between a fiery crash and going on to fly another day. No pressure. Everything is fine. This is all fine.
If you need me, you can find me in the studio making gifts all week.
Cheers, my dears!