We all know that changing anything in life, especially as an adult, results in many conversations and they are mainly in your head! Well when you begin to shift and change as a way of life you begin to really become aware of the stories you are playing and reciting to yourself while taking note and guiding others to modify theirs.
For me this is how today rolled - woke up with good energy in my body, why? Because I actually ate carbohydrates and food yesterday and more food than my mind told me I needed. Why? Well because I am in training to increase strength and endurance in my body so I can go in, and finish, an endurance motorbike race next year in the Aussie desert, and if I kept living the restricted or controlled or restrained food story I was living then there is no way I could get to June and actually last the first 500 meters let alone the rest..... this is a big story! It’s a story that has played out in many areas over my lifetime and it’s only know while working on the physical body that I have actually totally noticed it and owned it. Fuck control! I am loose and free but like my friend Fleur likes to point out, I’m so contained lol - well now I get it. Although in most of my life I’m totally free, in secret I am a control freak wanting to break free and now the cracks are showing 👏👏👍
I have been living life with the mindset of keeping some fuel in reserve just in case..... instead of going flat out and giving it my all, going all in, so to speak, and expending all I have knowing that whatever I did it was my best. In the gym, this has meant I’ve always pushed myself, but deep down I knew I could do more - heavier weights, longer swims, faster cardio.... I’m a bit of a short cutter! And at school how did this look? I always strived for perfection and often naturally came close - though I chose to play it down goof around and be bored with it all.... at work, it meant I dragged the task out - why? Well there was a bit of a perfectionism thing happening and a fear of making a mistake, which meant the imposter syndrome would be at play and I’d be not wanting to even try for fear of not being good enough or not getting that A+, and it also meant that I often did just enough to get by because well, why stretch, what is the reason to need to?, I probably should keep some in reserve just in case I need it. You just never know right? Fucken WRONG!!!
When I was a child, yeah ok, and in shitty relationships, ok, I needed the reserve to be aware, to be nimble, to be able to get away if and when I needed to - but then my smarty pants mind says well maybe you attracted those relationships to re enforce that fake belief.... well yeah maybe. But they were fun, adventurous, wild, violent...... abusive..... bad.... yeah and history.
So now back to today, I’m at the gym, I’m training for an event that is over 6 months away but I’m smart enough to get a coach, much to my partners annoyance because I am a PT and nutritionist..... but what he doesn’t know is that I did this so I could expand, so someone else was helping me at the beginning by doing the program and asking questions and guiding with vego food ideas while I worked on my mindset. I knew my limit, I knew there was a sneaky belief playing out in my life because on some deep level I knew I wasn’t playing the big game I’m capable of and could t work out why...and well here it is!! 3 weeks in, enjoying the work and bam it hit me. Yay!!! Awareness bring clarity and then swift shift - winning!!!! And the thing is, changing this mindset around my training also changes it everywhere else in my life.
mind you I’ve always blasted through the money in the bank account plus some but I’ve also always been able to generate money and now it can be more than I ever need because in every other area of my life I can totally expend myself, as if it’s the last day, I’ve gotta give it all I’ve got, to make this day my personal best because that then means tomorrow I can go again and there is a new best life because I spent that old one yesterday.
This is exciting guys!! Do you realise how much of a difference this makes??
it’s like wearing that special underwear, or the dress or the best apron or using the fine China and the nice cutlery every freaking day because you can, because you deserve it, I deserve it and we are here, right now, in this moment to be the best version of ourselves on that given day and to use totally what we have been given in all the endeavours of our lives.
Woo hoo!!!
happy Saturday!!