What is in the way of you finding your own confidence? Let’s start here. First of all, one way to look at confidence is your ability to see yourself clearly or to believe in yourself and your capabilities.
On that note my question to you is… Can you see yourself clearly? At some point in time, did you stop seeing the qualities and characteristics in yourself that you are proud of? Or maybe you could see the awesome things that you were doing, but other people couldn’t see them. This, of course, is not a reflection on what you are doing, but an example of how others weren't ready to see your awesomeness. BUT then you started to believe that because someone else couldn’t see your awesomeness, that meant that your awesomeness didn’t exist.
Well I’m here to tell you, your awesomeness does exist and it’s up to you to find it, see it and acknowledge it!
That second part of confidence is about your belief in yourself. So, my next questions for you are…
Do you believe in yourself?
Are you uncertain of your capabilities?
Do you regularly dismiss all the hard work that you have done?
Do you focus more on your failures and fears than on your work and accomplishments?
Do you find yourself saying something like “Oh I didn't do that much to help,” when in reality, you worked very hard for something. Or “Oh it’s not that big of a deal,” when it is indeed a big accomplishment. These types of phrases could indicate that you are not seeing or acknowledging the part you played and your own capabilities.
So how can you learn to see yourself again? How can you find certainty in your capabilities? Here are a couple of different ways you can gather evidence to see your capabilities and your best qualities and characteristics.
Journal and meditate on
…the last thing that you did that you are really proud of. Write about the actions you took to accomplish it. Write out the whole story, where you started, what things you overcame, all the work you did and how it felt to accomplish this goal or task. Once you have this whole story written down, read it out loud to yourself. As you read it, visualize yourself as the hero of your story. The goal of this journaling prompt and meditation is to literally see and more importantly acknowledge yourself and the things you did. You now have a record of it. This story is you collecting evidence of your capabilities, qualities and characteristics that you are proud of. This is you gaining knowledge that you are good at accomplishing a goal or task and that you did in fact do the work. Remember to take deep breaths as you journal and meditate.
… the last compliment that someone gave you. If you are struggling to think of one, ask your best friend or a close loved one to give you a compliment. Ask them to share a good quality that they see in you. Now if someone else can see your good qualities, how can you see these qualities as well? Write down this compliment and meditate on it until you can come up with memories or examples where you have demonstrated this quality. Write down as many memories as you can where you are demonstrating this compliment that someone gave you. Again this is you gathering evidence about you for you to believe in who you are. And a friendly reminder to take deep breaths during this journaling and meditation.
For more on how I learned to receive compliments and how that helped me be confident, enjoy this video episode!