Let’s begin with this…
Life isn’t meant to be about fear or pain or suffering. Life is meant to be about love, joy, and happiness. Yet so many of us are sitting in a space in which we are creating more pain and suffering for ourselves. We are making ourselves sad and sick. We are turning our backs on those things that used to bring us so much joy and happiness.
Why?
Because we think that is what we have to do. We think being an adult means giving up on all the things that made us happy, the things that made us smile and laugh and see the good in life.
I spent years trying to make others happy. I did what was expected even though it made me feel like crap. I did what expected to avoid the hassle that would ensue if I didn’t do what others wanted and expected. I put my dreams on hold so as not to upset others and do you know what I got in return?
Nothing…
Nada…
Not a freaking thing.
Why I did this...
I can’t be angry at that anymore. Mainly because I now know that I made my choices and my choices back then were to give in to others and sacrifice my own happiness in order to give others theirs. I believed, as many of us do, that if I was happy, I was taking that happiness away from someone else. I believed that if I was unhappy, then others could be happy. I believed that there wasn’t enough to go around so I was ‘doing the right thing’ and letting others have their shot at happiness. Except… they didn’t take it. They didn’t take it because they didn’t see happiness as a choice. They didn’t see that I was trying to make them happy at the expense of my own. And honestly, they didn’t really care.
I know. It sounds a little victim-ish and back then it was. Only I didn’t realise it. I just knew I didn’t want to fight because I felt I couldn’t win, so really, what was the point in wasting all that energy trying to fight if it was going to result in more unhappiness?
Maybe you feel the same or have felt the same. Maybe you’re just not sure that there really is happiness to be had by everyone. Maybe you feel that you don’t deserve it.
Happiness as a choice
First things first.
Caroline Myss tells us that nobody truly deserves anything. Using the word ‘deserve’, she says, means we think we are entitled to something simply because we have suffered in some way.
On one hand, that makes sense. Each and every one of us has suffered, is suffering, and will suffer in some way, shape or form. It is a natural part of life. I understand that doesn’t mean we are somehow entitled to receive something just because we’ve suffered!
That said, you do have the right to be happy. We all do. We are all, by right of being born, allowed to experience happiness all the time. And, if I can be brutally honest for a moment, the only reason you are not happy all the time, is by choice.
Yes, I know. You think I am being rather harsh and that’s okay. I used to think the same thing of those mentors I followed, who told it straight and made me question my beliefs and values. You can stop reading right now if you like because I want you to know that your happiness is up to you. It is a choice that you need to make and only you can make it. Because if you truly want happiness in your life on a daily basis then you need to consciously choose happiness.
Making happiness a choice
Still here?
Yay!
Okay, let’s get to this then…
Before you can start doing the thing that makes you happy and your heart sing, you need to know what happiness means for you. This is something I journal about each day. Every morning I ask myself:
What does happiness mean to me?
How can I choose happiness today?
How can I live from my heart today?
What can I do that will make my heart sing?
So, let’s start at the beginning and I want you to think about what happiness means to you. If you had to define happiness for someone else, how would you? What words would you use to define happiness?
For me, happiness is about freedom and choice. It is the ability to decide how I will live my life and the type of life I will provide for my children. Happiness is about living from my heart and doing the things that make my heart sing and I have come to this definition after years of living by the rules and expectations of others and being utterly miserable. It was only when I took a leap of faith and faced a massive fear, that I found happiness. But good news, you don’t have to take such a dramatic leap like I did (I sold most of what we owned, put the rest in storage, gave up our rental home, and my family and I lived location free for almost 12 months, travelling around Victoria and New South Wales).
What I have learnt and what I want to share with you here today is that happiness comes from doing what makes you happy. It comes from choosing to put your own happiness first and it comes from following your heart.
Your heart knows the truth
See, your heart knows. It is the actual centre of your intuition (not the gut like many think) and studies have shown that the heart actually receives information before the brain. Our hearts know what we need, what we seek, what scares us and what brings us joy. Being heart-broken is a real, physical thing and not just reserved for relationships. Your heart can be broken by living a life that doesn’t allow you to be who you are or doesn’t allow you to be happy.
Happiness comes from letting your heart sing.
But what does that mean?
It means doing the things that bring joy. The things that make you smile, that raise your vibration, that make you feel good inside.
Most of us stopped listening to our hearts years ago. It was easy when we were kids or teens. But as we got older, as our responsibilities grew and as our families and society told us that ‘this or that was the right thing to do’, we started listening to others and stopped listening to our own hearts.
For me, joy and happiness comes in many forms. Listening to my children playing and working together, my daughter learning something on her own, spending time with loved ones watching movies or some silly youtube clips, cross-stitching, dancing, listening to music, reading, yoga, relaxing in the bath… these are all things that make my heart sing, that make me happy, that bring me joy.
The key to your happiness is to do the things that make your heart sing. It doesn’t matter what others think because caring about what others think is what leads you down the path to unhappiness in the first place. Falling in line and doing what is expected is a sure-fire way to be unhappy. I know. I did it for years! But happiness is a choice. Every day, I have the choice to do the things that bring me joy, just as I have the choice to do the things that make me miserable and that same choice is in your hands.
Happiness is your right as a person. Happiness exists in abundance in the world. Happiness is ours for the taking. The secret to happiness is to embrace and enjoy the world around us, to breathe in its beauty and to remember all the same moments of joy and bliss that exist each and every day.
So here is my question to you…
If happiness is doing what makes your heart sing, are you prepared to do that every day?
Or are you willing to keep pushing it aside, to follow expectation and miss the joy that exists in life?
For me?
I do what makes me happy. I do what makes my heart sing. I choose happiness in mind, body and soul.
Make happiness a choice in your life and your heart will sing with joy.