I keep memories of you buried deep within my core
Buried so deep not even a lock and key can access them.
Memories that were once happy times
But now a painful reminder of who you are
And what you’ve done
Your smile;
It captivated me
Your personality;
It calmed me
Your words;
They hypnotized me
If only for a little while
Only until you began to show your true self
Your true self is one you kept concealed
One I tried to know
Its as if you were playing hide and seek with yourself.
Evading the truth at all costs
Digging the hole deeper each time
The lies spewed out of your mouth like continuous, uncontrollable vomit
And I was your bucket
On the receiving end of your projectile verbal nonsense
Your frivolous little threats were a game I wasn’t willing to play
But that was only the beginning
I began to see the real you
You were Dr. Jekyll
But I saw Mr. Hyde
The voices of my inner person;
My intuition
Relentlessly made themselves present
A disconcerting feeling always followed
Smitten for the man who gave me butterflies;
Who made me laugh
But fearful of the man who threatened me;
Who warned me not to talk to any other males
Who warned others to stay away from me.
Fearful of the man who walked me home at night
Who knew where I lived
Who could have put my life in danger
Not knowing he was not who he said he was
Fearful of the man who kissed me time and time again without my consent
Who persisted even when told no
Who grabbed my hands and held them like we’re an item
Who lied about his age
Too blinded by feelings to know something was wrong
Too overwhelmed by what I thought was happiness to know it was anything but
Still, my inner voice alerts me to something wrong
I try to silence her;
Until that day
Waiting for you, my emotions become louder than ever
Euphoric; the feeling of being in a fairytale
Nervousness; the reoccurring butterflies
Happiness ; the feeling when I saw you and your smile coming towards me
Abruptly Those childish feelings of seeing your crush come to a halt
My heart feeling like its being swallowed by hungry dogs
A feeling of confusion
Everything I thought I knew about you proved to be wrong in a matter of seconds
You are a snake in human form
The lowest of the low
I let you bite me time and time again
But the last time proved venomous
You dug your grave
And lay in it too
So lay there and rot for eternity;
There’s no digging yourself out of this mess
You caused a pain in me ocean deep
My trust in you;
In anyone
Is scarce
My pillow;
It catches the tears I cry because of you
My heart;
It stores millions of emotions I’m too afraid to talk about because of you
My brain;
It’s relentlessly running on a high
Questions haunt me recurrently
Running through my brain like a hamster on a wheel
Grappling with my self destructive thoughts that what you did to me is my fault
Grappling with the fear you are waiting for me
While you continue with your life
Your remorse is minimal at best
The butterflies I once had are replaced by a dark feeling in my soul
They died along with my feelings for you
I keep memories of you buried deep within my core;
Buried so deep not even a lock and key can access them
But occasionally there are exceptions
© Copyright