Writers Life; Installment 1
Last night I was outside, I like to go out and pace in the moonlight and every once in awhile, if she's full, look up and just bask in that brilliance. Many times I have drawn inspiration from the moon and last night was no exception. I thought about everything going on in my life right now and my brain kept going, further and further back and I was thinking, was there a cornerstone event to this? Was there a "thing," an event, something, anything, that was the pivotal event that led to my being here, every day, trying desperately to figure out a way to survive and maybe even thrive?
The answer is no. The last five years have been really interesting. More than ever, in the last five years the things that have happened have been out of my hands. Generally, up until more recently, I decide everything, but I have a daughter and I must consider her. She's not a kid anymore, 22 years old to be precise, and she and I have fallen on hard times, we only have each other. She has a job, not a great one, it's political surveys. People tell her on the phone all the time to go home and kill herself, Fortunately, she has an incredibly thick skin.
I've had a run of odd luck, first working for a company that didn't pay me almost ten thousand dollars of pay. Then getting a new job right before the pandemic hit and it getting suspended and eventually cancelled due to the pandemic. It was good to feel hire-able though so it wasn't a total loss. It's been insane, I don't want this to shape up into some sad story though, the point is, my brain was in a similar spiral when the crescent caught my eye.
The sky was clear and dark and I thought about the moment I was in, fluid, gone the minute it got there, and yet the most important...there goes another. Concerned about an uncertain future with nowhere to go but up, knowing that there is no going down, there's nothing there. Looking at the insanity in a world that needs to sort out its priorities and surrounded by people who are all horrified and reaching the end of their tether from trying to always wear a brave face. Thank God for masks, am I right? Whew!
Then the gaping crescent in the sky did that thing it does, it sort of tilted and became a big grin, I heard a bit of a hiss in my ear and a chuckle and there was Charlie, never Chuck. Charlie is the name of a Cheshire Cat who fancies me as his pet. He lives on the moon and wherever else he sees fit and he helps me process things. He is always honest, he's part of where I get it from. He tells me directly, "There goes another one..."And I know he's been in my head again, thinking about how important each moment is and how so many are wasted on what was and what may or may not be.
So no use using a moment to punish yourself and think, "Well that was a wasted moment." Because whether or not a moment spent is a "waste" is entirely a choice. Living in the moment seems like a complicated thing based on how badly people seem to fail at it, so it's an advantage that another one comes along so quickly. That way, if the feeling comes that you've lost one or wasted one, remind yourself, you learned from it and won't do that again, how is learning something ever a waste?
"You go on, doing what you do...there goes another one..." The big grin with the glittery eyes tells me. So, I'll do the best I can with the tools I have in each moment that I'm in, it's a different way to thrive, you have to practice it to understand. Is there a main event? No, there is never just one thing. I think it's just as much about how we react to all the little things, as well as the big ones. That's why it pays to not only try to do your best in each moment but to know you have and not waste the next one regretting the last, there goes another one...
Most of what brought me back to blogging is that there just isn't anything else out there right now for me. Read my words, you'll know what that journey has been like. It's been rough living and random acts and my, oh my! What a long, strange trip it's been. My hobby has become the only livelihood available to me and all things considered, there is no one better qualified or with more years of experience than me. How can I not thrive?
"If you decide to thrive you thrive, if you don't you take a dive" A chuckle and a poof and there I am with a big dumb grin on my face, staring at the crescent moon lovin' a life a lot of folks could never understand. 