I have spent so many years taking one step forward and two steps back; or three or four. Just because I am an author doesn't mean my brain works all the time. Sometimes there are days that I just can't. Sometimes there are days that I can type 3000-4000 words that day and then others when I just can't make a single sentence work at all. And yes, of course, Google is my best friend. I ask Google to define words and spell words ALL THE TIME. I'm pretty sure that if the CIA is actually listening to my google mini, they are just laughing at me by now. Oh well! I guess the CIA listening crew needs some entertainment while they are sitting in that van all night.
Yesterday was a disaster. Some awful things (that I'm not ready to talk about yet) happened and it totally wrecked my entire day. I woke up yesterday thinking, "Yes! It's going to be productive and I'm gonna write and it's gonna be awesome!" I channeled my inner Stephen King fangirl (I am OBSESSED) and sat down to write a masterpiece on purpose and then life happened. Life bit me right in the ass yesterday. Don't those days suck!?!
They happen to the best of us, unfortunately. I don't know, maybe Stephen King doesn't have those days. I read once that he said,
"If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others; read a lot and write a lot. There's no way around these two things that I'm aware of, no shortcut."
Alright, Mr. King!! Got it!! So I was ready; but life had other plans. I spent most of yesterday in a legitimate panic attack and could not get myself to calm down. That meant no writing, no blogging, no creating. That meant laying in bed trying to will my body to calm the eff down and it did not listen. It did not listen at all. Then I spent most of my evening feeling like a failure. I'm supposed to be creating my dreams, right here at my fingertips and I couldn't even accomplish that. It created a trickle-down effect of self doubt and I noticed that I started doubting my self worth and my ability to write. Not good.
I want you all to know that on those days when life bites you in the ass, it's okay for the only thing that you accomplish that day to be breathing. It's okay that you are not okay. It's okay if you finally win the struggle to get up out of bed and go shower, only to go back to bed afterwards. IT'S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY.
I could have used that reminder yesterday. It's one of the hardest things that I deal with, my self doubt. I don't know how to overcome it on some days. Especially when those days bite me right in the ass unexpectedly. Today is better. Today is a new day. I got up early and had some self reflection on what happened and accepted it for what it was. I had way too much coffee. And then later, I had a nap, just for me. Today I reflected, accepted, and took care of me. After that, I wrote. I wrote hundreds of words for the second book in the series I am trying to get published and then I sat down and worked on this blog. We all have those days, but we have to remind ourselves that it is important to take care of ourselves too.
I hope the next time life bites you in the ass, you remember this blog. I hope you remember that someone took the time to write about how they weren't okay and that they overcame it; so you can too. I hope you remember that it is okay not to be okay. I hope you remember that you are important and you should be taking care of yourself. Keep reaching for your dreams! Keep reading! Keep creating! Keep making yourself important!