I'm sitting here at 9 pm on Sunday night trying, once again, to figure out how I'm going to do everything. By everything I mean work, write a book, keep up with my followers and friends on Twitter, market said book, and the more important stuff, raise my daughter, look after the animals and keep some semblance of sanity.
I have days like this, days when it all feels too much and I wonder whether I'm cut out to be a writer. Life would be so much simpler if I gave up on the book and focused solely on my freelance work. I'd certainly have more time and probably fewer sleepless nights.
The thing is, the last part just isn't true. If I stopped writing I would still find things to fill my time and I would probably sleep even less. Why? Because writing, getting my thoughts down onto paper and turning them into fiction, poetry and posts like this has been the one thing that has kept me going. Few people have even seen more than the tip of the iceberg of the reams of writing that I have, but it's there, a testament to the many trials and tribulations of my life.
I'm not trying to be maudlin here, although I am writing this with my Sunday JD sat next to me. We all go through difficult times and everyone has their own coping mechanism. Some are healthier than others. I have worked hard to reduce most of my less healthy ones and writing has helped with that too.
Tomorrow marks six months since my husband and I split up, and this is partly the reason for my reflective mood this evening. I have come a long way in those six months and faced new challenges and a couple of heartaches that I never thought I could face alone. I'm actually writing more and interacting more, at least digitally, with people. In person I am still shy, retiring, and likely to stumble over my words, especially if I like you.
Of course, none of this solves the question of how I do it all.
The answer to that is, I DON'T at least not all at the same time and not alone. I may not have anyone here now, but I do have support, people that I can count on, both in the real world and the digital and sometimes I just need to stop and remember that. I wouldn't have got this far without a small, wonderful group of people on Twitter including @pgdevlim and @TSubmissive. I am lucky to have found the right people at the right time in my life who have supported my journey and I only wish the same for everyone else reading this rambling piece of jumbled chaos.