Living in a pandemic is something that almost none of us have ever lived through. It has brought out emotions that people may be unfamiliar with. It is difficult to make decisions when you have information coming at you from all angles.
Vaccine/No Vaccine
Mask/No Mask
Virtual/In-Person School
Natural Disasters
War
And there is a collective grief. It is palpable and can be felt by many. People are grieving so much.
The loss of life as we once knew it.
The massive number of people that have died.
Not being able to be with family when they are hospitalized.
Front Line Workers and the stress they are under-going.
When my son died in July 2019, I tried to find any semblance of a routine or normalcy because everything felt so wrong. When our world came to a screeching halt on March 13, 2020, everything I had once found some solace in, was ripped out from underneath me. I was forced to sit in my pain and it was horrendous.
I could no longer abide by a routine so I knew what was coming next. Every day was a new controversy and a new difficult decision to try to make.
My decision fatigue was on overdrive. I couldn't fool with little things like, "Where are we going for dinner?" I bought a car after test driving 2 because I can not mull over every decision. My brain is beyond capacity.
Deeply grieving during a pandemic makes taking in new information nearly impossible. The division among people on every topic imaginable has forced me to go more internal than I ever have. During this time, I have chosen to put on my blinders so I can get through my day. I can't change any of it but I can bring light to a dark world. I have put boundaries in place to protect whatever energy I have.
I believe we are all doing our best to get by. I try my hardest to give grace to every one because you just don't know what people are dealing with and putting a brave face on to get through their day.