Sometimes the only place you can go to get some peace is into your own mind. For most of my life, my mind was what Deepak Chopra calls "the battleground for the wars we wage in our mind."
I have spent the last decade working on getting control over my mind. I used to be a 100 tabs open kinda gal with a "narrator" that second-guessed me, was continuously exasperated and felt like she'd never figure out this life business... the secondary voice in your mind is not necessarily your friend, or your advocate - unless you turn them into one.
Think of cancel culture for just a moment. You can spend years of your life feeling a certain way about a celebrity... you only know what you read about them, or see in interviews or whatnot but, maybe what you saw had you really liking them. Then, one day, you find out they smack their kids, or were mean to their dog, or were horribly racist. Your opinion of them changes overnight simply because you got more information, and the information that you got - you didn't like.
You can do this in reverse. You can "uncancel" yourself lol. It's true! I did it. One year I was full of turmoil in my head, heart and soul and a year later, I had less turmoil. The following year, less. It's a journey. It's not instant. You slip, you forget, then - you realize, and try again.
If you are not a place in your mind where you can "escape" there when life is stressful, or your environment is one that's not supportive and nurturing - you owe it to yourself to keep trying to get there. Try every day, you're worth it!
Some recommendations from my "inventory":
Blog post with video, Clear your mind without meditating, how to and why to: https://goingbeyondcoping.com/clearyourmind
Blog post with video, Killing the monkey in your mind, aka clearing your thoughts:
https://goingbeyondcoping.com/monkeymind/
Video playlist of Overcoming negative self-talk (2 short vids as of today):
Some "outside" recommendations with tons of free content online:
Brene Brown, shame and guilt researcher who talks about boundaries (what's OK, what's not OK), her book, Dare to Lead, is amazing - even if you're not trying to be a leader.
Marissa Peer, a renowned psychotherapist, "I am enough" is a good place to start searching.
Keep trying to change the conversation in your mind and you can reprogram "the battleground for the wars you wage in your mind," and turn it into "the playground for all the love that you want to create in your life."
Love,
Dawn