Sep 19, 2022
4 mins read
Recently, I was absorbed in dialogue. I was sharing about and expressing myself to a supportive ear. The awareness and attention from both parties were focused.
The event had unfolded from a personal request to chat for a bit. I was trying to get some feedback on something. I was actually seeking some constructive criticism.
As we talked more clarity was added to what I was really asking. The feedback was, to be honest, and critical, and it was!
It was noticed that when I put forward some input especially while sharing, I seem or tend to focus more on others and less on myself. I do share eventually and usually the themes of the underlying story deal with frustration, agitation, anxiety, and mood swings. It's not like I've never heard similar feedback before, but this time, it hit me a little more profoundly. The feedback echoed within me as if some words had struck a chord. I will not say my paradigm had shifted but a seed had been planted and a new view started to dawn upon me.
I don't believe there's anything like that "a-ha" moment when one notices and becomes aware of the pattern too. In not so many words my problem was localizing. A little while later after this event, just like magic, some information appeared before me, like synchronicity the Most High provides.
I became aware of a couple of concepts or models from two triangles. These 2 models (D.D.T. and T.E.D.) form a pragmatic tool when applied to a situation or condition. The (D.D.T.) model explains roles and the dynamics of victimhood while the (T.E.D.) model is its counter.
The counter is able to take you from a negative to a more positive condition.
The 2 models are: (D.D.T.) The Dreadful Drama Triangle by Dr. Stephen Karpman was conceived in 1960. Being an actor he noticed similarities between acting roles and what happens in real life. The other concept or model is called (T.E.D.) The Empowerment Dynamic. This was put forth by David Emerald as a possible fix or counter for D.D.T. It replaces the roles in the drama triangle with roles that help in getting out of the victimhood mentality.
Imagine the silver screen if you will, the movie begins, and the moving pictures unfold dramatic stories that keep the attention of your senses and tug at your emotions. The drama triangle pattern of Victim, Persecutor (Villain), and Rescuer seem to drive the narrative. This same pattern or model of roles can actually embed into our true life and personal experiences. The roles are not static and because they are dynamic we can often take on any one of them. The triangle helps to easily explain the narratives created by the Victim, (Villain) and hero. I use the understanding of the dreaded drama triangle as a tool to assess the present condition or situation. Nobody likes drama but sometimes I think Shakespeare was right about all the world is a stage and we are mere actors.
The Victim role becomes a Creator role which empowers towards a positive change.
The Persecutor / Villain role becomes a Challenge/r role which enables the actor to rise to the occasion with courage, remembering that even in failure there is also much to be gained as far as learning goes. The Rescuer role is replaced with a Coach / Teacher role.
It's great to be a hero but it can get exhausting be it physical, emotional, or even intellectual. A coach/teacher is best to teach victims to how to fish instead of giving them fish. The hungry victim will feed themselves by becoming fishermen.
All games learned to play have rules, once known the rules can be changed. I'm not claiming that life is a game but it's not difficult to notice patterns.
The feedback was truly beneficial to me and will be a work in progress toward a positive change in my life. I will exercise assertiveness on decreasing my passive and aggressive tendencies. I need to be aware of my tendencies or M.O. (Modus Operandi – Mode of Operation) I need to watch and catch my victimhood as a rescuer role and coach myself into a creator first.