By now I'm sure we've all experienced being "ghosted." It probably still stings to think about that potential soulmate who dropped off the face of the earth after a few amazing dates. Or the dream company you wanted to work for that went radio silent after you thought you crushed the final interview.
Like a lot of modern day terms, the context of ghosting gets murky. There's nothing a narcissist loves more than murkiness, as it allows them to twist the narrative to their liking.
In the last post, I talked about the partner in crime (PIC) who attaches themselves to you early and often. You may have spotted several red flags and feel uneasy about where the relationship is headed. As a result, your behavior starts to shift, sometimes without even realizing it. You hesitate to respond when your PIC sends a text. Or you politely decline an invite to hang out because you just don't have the energy.
Please believe this shift in behavior doesn't go unnoticed by the narcissist. After all, you've been attached at the hip for weeks, months, or years. Any attempt you make to distance yourself -- no matter how small -- will instantly trigger their deepest insecurities.
This is when they'll probably accuse you of being too busy or "ghosting" them. Which now triggers your deepest insecurities. Because we never want to be the person who ghosts anybody! Society tells us anyone who ghosts other people is an insensitive jerk. Plus, we know how much it sucks to be ghosted and would hate to make someone else feel the same rejection.
Take a closer look though. If you think about your relationship with a narcissist, there's a 99.9999% chance that they've already ghosted you at some point. Like when you sent them a text but they were swamped at work and didn't respond for several days. Or when you made plans for lunch but "something came up" and they canceled at the last minute. (And never made the effort to reschedule.)
If we really think about it, the term "ghosting" was originally coined to describe the selfish behavior of narcissists. Yet they now use the term to guilt trip other folks for setting healthy boundaries. Can you say twists on top of twists?
What you don't realize is that when a narcissist accuses you of ghosting, you're doing something right. We'll talk next time about how to stand firm in your boundaries, even when it feels uncomfortable.
To be continued...