Well I am officially half way through the year to change my life and every day is a learning, a new lesson, a new step put in front of me.
I think when I have looked back at the last 6 months there are a few things that really stand out to me.
One, we all need a break from the daily do's to make a change. It is hard to see a different solution to a situation when you never step away from it. We have to get out of our own way, or surrender the way to the outcome.
I have learnt these past 6 months that I am not the free thinking hippy I thought I was, I am a little that with a big load of fear and worry. I have learnt it doesn't matter what I think as much as what I feel. If I say what I want, if I think about it and don't feel it, in fact if I feel the total opposite, I can never ever manifest it.
It's not easy to change. I listened to Dr Jo Dispenza on audio and he said we have to completely release our identity as who we are, name, job, age etc and see ourselves as part of the field of matter, where anything is possible. When we can do that then we can create a new person....so this is something I am trying although not sure how successful.
I have had some down periods where I just felt that feeling of 'MEH'. I have then had to question weather I am making decisions to run away from a situation or run towards something and then with a little help from a friend I connected with the feeling I am after which is freedom.
It was that word feeling again. The word feeling is an emotion, energy in motion and it is this that I am mastering only 50-60% of the time. I can say things like I have financial security yet I can feel worried about a bill or pissed off I can't do things I want to do, then I enter the vibration of lack and I think we are conditioned to be there a lot as this is where we lose our power.
This is sitting with me and I am thinking how can I feel that which I am not yet? This was my second learning. I can't lie to myself as I know I am lying so it just feels mental. I know I can say my affirmations differently as in I am becoming x,y,z but if I don't feel it, it will amount to not very much at all. It is all vibration, everything, without exception. It is a big vibrating universe and we are master creators, although for me, have been on snooze mode lol! I don't want to be a complainer a moaner a problem finder. I will never generate the feelings that bring me in to my place of dreams if I can't feel it. So gratitude has to play the staring role, every second. Being thankful for bills, being thankful for banks, being thankful for trade, being thankful for my home, being thankful for family etc. Every thing I have must be sent gratitude to raise my vibration and bring in the new.
I was also pondering what it means to love yourself. It all gets so confusing when we think of ourselves as both universal and individual. Both are true we are a unique, individual manifestation of universal source which makes us a little particle of love trying to find our way home. Pondering this point is helping me a lot with the book and I am truly grateful for that. I think self love is a homecoming. We are always loveable as we are always love, sometimes we are just having glitches in the system and malfunctioning when we forget our true essence.
Thirdly, I learnt that you can't lie to yourself about your what you do on a consistent basis. I started with this lesson when it came to my current health habits which actually was really embarrassing considering my role as a nutritional therapist and health coach. None the less the uncomfortable truth slapped me in the face. I have been feeding my emotions for the last 2 years without a doubt. Losing my Dad and then weeks later all going in to Lockdown which is PTSD on a global scale, made me lazy and unconscious. I told myself I was entitled to eat cake whenever I wanted. I was feeding the emotion of loss, I was trying to fill that void with cake.
The result was a 2 stone weight gain, which has hugely affected my internal confidence and my ability to take the numerous daily compliments my gorgeous husband gives me. I took a leap I paid for a meal, supplement and nutrition plan done for me and in doing so it taught me more and more about my habits and others habits about why we do what do. Why the voice of self sabotage? This voice is fear which is the opposite of love. This voice or vibration is there to pull you down not raise you up, often it is the one that screams the loudest and gets the most attention, meanwhile love waits patiently for you to remember who you are, that you are love, When we can vibrate with that frequency rather than the one that is low vibrational with low thoughts, feelings and habits then nothing will hold us back. This is what I believe, doing it daily is a practice, I will get there in perfect timing as universal timing is always right on time.
I would love to hear what your up to to. I love a 2 way conversation so share what you feel
Much Love
Bex