Nov 04, 2022
4 mins read
Isn't it the truth that you don't think about what you have until you risk losing it or you have lost it?!
Over the years I have spoken to thousands of people with regards to their health, always happy I had mine, but still slowly taking it for granted that because I know what to do, I would naturally do it.
As I get older I realise how much of this wonderful life we really take for granted, how much of the miracle of life we blind ourselves to as we focus on problems, worries and fears of potentially things that will never be anything and if they do will pass.
I have taken much needed time out to care for myself first, to pursue what interests me at this time in my journey, to make sure I don't lie on my death bed (consistently over dramatic as per my norm) thinking, "Shit, why did I wait to to do that, why did I wait to call them, to tell them x, y,z?"
I feel like I am actually truly coming off the train of should and getting off to board the train of what I COULD do, and what IS possible. I am daring to pursue things because they mean something to me, not because it would validate my existence and ensure my acceptance from others.
The truth of it all is we are always the one standing in our way or pushing ourselves forwards, no excuses are real, they are challenges that we are either willing to work with or will allow to derail us in to a life of mediocrity.
I love that in life we have choices, I also love that this year I dedicated to changing my life, I did rituals, I affirmed my desire to change my life, I spoke to angels , crystals, tarot, God, Universe, Plants lol... anyone that would listen and then I expected it to all go exactly as I told them it SHOULD go.
However, unbelievably despite all the journeys I have been part of with others, you never quite see or expect things to happen for yourself in the way of chaos and discomfort.
The powers that be, heard my cry for change, heard my declaration to release the past and move forward anew and they drove me inward, deep inward. I wanted to see external results, I had big plans, big dreams and the clock was and of course is still ticking, I wanted it in my time. Universal wisdom steps in..." Everything you dream, desire is possible but you have to fix yourself first, you have to fix your internal energy, your internal story, your deep rooted conditioning and your thoughts and feelings, do this and you will change your life".
Obviously I wasn't listening to these words and giving them the attention that they needed, so they gave me dis-ease of my body and mind, they highlighted my soul sickness and sadness. They gave me friend challenges, parental challenges, financial challenges, purpose and meaning challenges and in doing so they showed me how little I knew the real me, how much I denied every dream, thought and feeling I had that was not inline with my programming, not in line with the social expectations. I could never be me, I could never change my life, If I didn't change from the inside out.
It happened with beautiful synchronicity at the time of the year where nature lets go, where I surrendered and said your way not mine, I release attachments to outcomes and I accept the process even if I don't always understand it at the time. I know that without doubt everything is working out for my highest good, because I believe in the vibration of love, I believe life is an energy exchange and if we can cleanse ourselves of the environmental toxins that surround us, of the toxic thoughts and emotions that are sourced and aligned from separation and fear, then everything is good, everything is love, everything is faith and I trust in that super power and in doing so I become that power and then I become who I am meant to be, my own personal manifestation of creation of love vibration.
If you don't love yourself, if you don't love your life, you are not being true to who you are, who you came here to be. Rome was not built in a day and 40 years of denying my true self and just showing the safe bits, pursuing the reasonable desires I have in life mean that change is a progressive transition in to the becoming of my true self and this is the absolute adventure of life, come what may. I am learning to live from the heart my way. My wish is for all of us to do the same.
More to come on how to know yourself better, well, more specifically how I know myself better that then may inspire a part of you to wake up and join the party, no regrets and all that jazz.