On Good Friday 2021, I was working and serving at Kids ministry on my last day on staff of a church for 5 years 6 months 1 week. After several months of seeking God’s guidance in what “abide, move, surrender, trust, the Provider” means, I was having to let my dreams, expectations, and the expression of my calling be put to death…at least that’s how it felt at the time as God invited me to a season of rest. As this is first Easter weekend where I’m not actively volunteering or working while officially no longer in sabbatical…following are my random thoughts.
I said yes to a season of sabbatical without knowing what that looked like and got to simply practice daily reconstruction of my identity. I was to lean into the truth of my worth as I am more than what I can (or this I can) do, how I can be useful & even dare to think I must be irreplaceable… God said “I love you (period).” While I’ve had to unlearn hearing that words of love as “I love you so, I need you to…”
My “holy saturday” aka “the great sabbath” was time or rest, healing, integration of my being. And I know it can’t be just one time or once in a few years thing, but it must be something I need to practice and integrate rhythm of rest in my ordinary with work. Key word, “know.” It is something I know more with my head more than my heart and soul. I recognize my default desire to “reset” to old habit of unhealthiness. While the Good Shepherd invites me to reset to rest and continue unlearn the definition of worth to be something to prove myself of.
I don’t know if this late night of Good Friday post of mine makes much sense… but for those that may feel the nudge to courageously lean into the Holy Saturday… I just want to remind us how God may invite us to put something to death (like my expressions of my calling) to have us go through refinement/purification of waiting to lessen the gap of our head to heart of our soul. To allow us to grow further in expressions our calling and the privileges of that but also clothe us in renewed sense of reconstructing identity daring to simply live loved. Worthy beings that get paint each day’s canvas with our own unique expressions of calling which includes and has to include sabbath.
may you find space this Saturday to not rush away from Good Friday to Easter Sunday! May we be present in and of the waiting!