SHAY: I’m here.
GOD: You are hurting.
SHAY: I am.
GOD. You are hurting.
SHAY: I am hurting.
GOD: You are experiencing hurt. What is hurting?
SHAY: My heart.
GOD: What else?
SHAY: I’m not sure, God.
GOD: Pretend that you know.
SHAY: What’s deeper than my heart?
GOD: Your being.
SHAY: My being?
GOD: Yes, your being.
SHAY: You mean, my sense of self?
GOD: Yes, Shay. Your identity. How you see, perceive, and experience yourself is at the root of much of your pain. Ground yourself in who you are.
SHAY: When I was in my 20s, I would have said I’m a child of God and a disciple of Jesus. In my 30s, I would have said that I am Theresa’s husband and Anna and Timothy’s father.
GOD: And now that you are in 40s. Who are you?
SHAY: I’m not sure... I feel lost.
GOD: Shay, I’m going to call bullshit.
SHAY: Do you mean because I know who I am?
GOD: I love you.
SHAY: I know you love me, God.
GOD: I’m not sure you truly understand sometimes how much I love you. How much I think about you.
SHAY: You think about me?
GOD: Shay, you are never far from my thoughts. Let that sink in for a moment.
SHAY: The infinite thinks about me, the finite. The Creator of the Cosmos thinks about me a speck of dust on a rock.
GOD: I know you. I understand you. I created you.
SHAY: So what are you saying, God?
GOD: Remember who I am and you will remember who you are.
SHAY: Who am I God?
GOD: You are everything and you are nothing.
SHAY: What does that mean?
GOD: You are divine and you are human. Your spirit is everything. It’s me. And your human experience will be over one day and it will be nothing once again.
SHAY: Is this why I feel so fucked up sometimes?
GOD: Yes. You are struggling between feeling like you are everything and nothing.
SHAY: Yes, I’ve felt these two energies my whole life.
GOD: You have. You are struggling with that now.
SHAY: I am?
GOD: You are struggling with those two identities. Being everything and being nothing.
SHAY: I’m binary. 1 and 0.
GOD: Own being both, not one or the other. Embrace them both in oneness.
SHAY: It feels like yin-yang. Life and death.
GOD: Shay, you are both alive and dead at the same time.
SHAY: What does that mean?
GOD: It means you are creating and destroying all the time. It’s the process of dying and resurrecting.
SHAY: Sounds like the phoenix cycle.
GOD: It’s the cycle of nature.
SHAY: You are speaking of seasons.
GOD: There’s a season for everything. Winter doesn’t last forever and neither does summer. Change is life. Life, at times, looks on the surface static, but there’s always movement. For movement is life. It’s time. And time is life. This is how you experiencing the world.
SHAY: My experience feels kind of shitty in this moment.
GOD: Remember where your focus goes, your energy flows. Focus on what you have and not on what you don’t have. Focus on the good and you will see good.
SHAY: Focus on God and you will see God.
GOD: Yes, seek Me and everything will be yours because I am everything. There’s nothing that isn’t me. I am life.
SHAY: You are life? That makes sense since you are the Source of life, of all forward motion. You set time in motion when you spoke.
GOD: So learn to speak God, Shay.
SHAY: What does that mean to speak, God?
GOD: It means to speak love. For I am love.
SHAY: Words of love?
GOD: Yes, especially to your identity.... all the different roles in you play in your life.
SHAY: I think I understand God. Many of my roles have felt wounded. You are asking me to speak words of kindness and compassion to who I am. All the “who I am”s.
GOD: Yes, Shay.
SHAY: Thank you, God.
GOD: Don’t just thank me. Take the time to do it. Okay?
SHAY: Yes, God. Thank you for meeting with me.
GOD: Shay, it’s my pleasure. I love you spending time with you. Giving you my time and attention is one of my favorite things to do.
SHAY: Wow, thank you, God.
GOD: You’re welcome, my son. My Shay Timothy Sun.