This girl had what looked like a magical childhood, but appearances can deceive.
She'd always felt different, like an alien walking in a foreign land. All she wanted was to fit in and be able to make friends easily.
When she was 13 she observed that the slim, sporty girls were always popular. So she decided to lose weight to be like them.
With an iron determination she decided to eat 1000 calories a day. Those 1000 calories had to be earned by doing 100 sit ups every morning and 100 sit ups every evening....100 PRECISELY.
The pounds started to drop off.....what a buzz! Finally she had control over something in her life.
But why stop at 1000 calories? Why not aim to be even better and go for 500 calories a day? After all she was a perfectionist, and perfection is perfect....right?!?
When she went to university she started to lose control.
She would binge eat for weeks. 1x KFC Bargain Bucket or large fish & chips + 1x sliced loaf of bread with butter, jam and cream + 1x whole roll of chocolate hobnobs in a single sitting
The guilt would force her back to calorie control - 2x Slimfast shakes during the day with a packet of instant noodles for dinner.
Ah, the comforting feeling of deep hunger pangs and the thrill of calorie counting. How low would she dare go? It was like a game, an obsession! Thinking about food became all-consuming.
But she had control back.....Until her willpower faded and she returned back to bingeing. How satisfying to finally take the handbrake off and not feel constantly hungry.
This cycle continued on and off until she joined a brand new gym being built close to her home.
Finally she could eat without guilt.....BUT only if she did enough classes a day to earn each meal and treat.
If she didn't workout she would have to calorie count every ingredient and food label again to stay in control.
So far, it's a pretty sad, tragic tale isn't it?
But fear not, there's a happy ending to this story.
How do I know?
That girl was me.
I did break free from this cycle of obsessively calorie counting, exercising, punishment and reward.
When and How?
When I stopped attaching my self worth to a number on the scales.
When I stopped attaching my self worth to a dress size.
When I stopped attaching my self worth to my fitness levels or how many classes I could do in 1 day.
When I started to see and accept myself honestly
When I started to listen and trust my own opinions, not others
When I learned that chasing perfection is the path to misery and deprivation. Perfection and Excellence are different.
This story forms part of my WHY as a fitness instructor, and a small part of my purpose now.
Stories are powerful. Know yours and own it!
I know I'm not alone and many others share elements of my story. Are you one of them?
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