image: Ankhesenamun

20 August 2010 at 23:40

30 days and nights ,

 

Zombie land creeps into this already deformed nothingness

 

Caught at the corner of my eye

 

was the silent Lamb of mystique beings...

 

I heard of them.. walking in the halls at night..

 

they roam this place like it was shared

 

Like it was all prepared for viewing.

 

An audience of One, I sit here again by my aching self.. contemplating Death.

 

I suddenly thought of God, my ever so Loving Saviour.

 

Then , pressed against me was the memories of the 'One' .

 

I remembered what he meant to say, " What doesn't kill you makes you stronger..? " 

 

With each day that is how I've sketched my Life.. in his very words.. 

 

just to survive this episode again , of Unforgiving Love. 

 

There is no redemption to this, I will have to continue on, in this state of Mind..

 

Flawless are my words but not my face, hands or feet...

 

I have grown old, wrinkly and fat . Not for anyone to love..

 

But I don't pity myself.. there's no begging for Love here.. for I do not seek what is deemed impossible in my Lifetime..

 

Like the Immortal Lords of Love , the vampires , I have learned how to live alone in a crowded world.

 

A cold blanket of silence was suddenly brought upon me.. I am alone again.

 

Whispers run pass me like fireflies in the dark, dragging my feet to my eternal bed , I plumped myself on the covers,

 

crawled into sheets .

 

Insomnia seeps into my wake , intensely I feel ' His ' presence . 

 

Everywhere I turn is just absolute emptiness, even when its filled with materialistic things.

 

No cash or credit , car or condo can fill this void. I'd rather be with a poor man. Not that the Master is not a poor man, he's

 

just poor in sight and emotional conditions. 

 

I wonder if Humans had the ability to fly.. where would they dash off to?

 

The stars sit with me at the balcony usually, there aren't any tonight , but I hope they'll come and visit me soon.

 

I need the company.

 

I saw the Moon the other day, just a glance , she was awesome. 

 

This 28 years in Human life , I've only come to learn now, what moves me, makes me extremely Happy and what rocks my

 

boat.

 

I've learned the type I fall for and know what activity I enjoy the most.. 

 

No... I'm not a hippie , or a wannabe musician , the fact is clear, I can't do those things. 

 

I love to write. But I lack inspiration where I come from. 

 

However , one reason keeps me going.. is to know that someday.. I will be read , by persons who need me the most ,

 

who need inspiration, who need motivation and clarity, even though what I project is much confusion. 

 

Some will get me. I have to be patient cause I'm looking forward to that someday..

 

Someday , Happiness will come my way , and when it does... I want to embrace it with all my Heart and Soul..

 

and all the rays of the Sun.. of the Matahari.

 

-Leoni Matahari-