1 I have a joke about a long-distance cousin which I have twice removed.

2 Your mamma is so old she puts her name at the end of text messages. Martin

3 I have a page to promote all my Air conditioners. It's my Only fans.

4 I was on a diabetes website and it asked me if I would "accept cookies" which I thought was some sort of test.

5 If You're depressed to try to avoid alcohol and friends who have just taken up jogging.

6 my dog is always dreaming about "chasing cars" it's his favourite snow patrol song.

7 If you use the "speed up" option on the ted talk website you can pretend you're doing coke with someone and having a very deep chat.

8 I am going into after-dinner speaking....not paid I am just going to shout at people in Burger King.

9 Anyone know of any good books about codependency? Asking for a friend...

10 I was going to order a book on nihilism but what's the point