Conflict Resolution Notes & Insights by Patrick Chevalier ~ January 2021
A follow up message to the "Live Well, Live Whole Podcast - Episode 16":
Conflict Management and Resolution - Key Tools For These Times
(Click here to tune in to this podcast on Rumble.com).
CONFLICT RESOLUTION
“Use your imagination to go deeper into your model of the world
and enter into the other’s model of the world.”
Having different opinions or positions happen. Sometimes, disagreements and conflicts ensues, especially in these times; energies are high and there never has been as much polarity between people.
After conflicts, we often carry the resulting energies in the form of thoughts and emotions and that can be difficult, even painful. This is all the more true when it is somebody close to us, somebody we love like a friend, family member, partner or lover.
Self-care and consciousness are gifts that we need to remind to give ourselves on a daily basis. I am a strong advocate in filling our spiritual toolbox with tools and tricks that give us access to more love, acceptance, light and consciousness.
Remember: we are all one, all different aspects of the same consciousness.
Also, remember that our model or view of the world is what we “perceive” of the world and not the “absolute” reality; this is where we might sometimes fall in the trap and “react” in the face of a different (usually somebody else’s) model of the world.
During the conflict, we react; we never really take the time to go back and truly understand the deep reason(s) we reacted which would be the equivalent to understanding “how” our model of the world was challenged.
Having our model of the world questioned is usually very uncomfortable; our beliefs and values are closely attached to “who we are” because we tend to identify with them. After all, they are what allows us to make sense of the world we live in which in turn correspond to making us feel “secure” in this world. When we feel insecure, emotions take over (limbic brain, reference to podcast on heart coherence) and we react. This has never been truer in these times when there is a lot of fear and uncertainty.
By using our imagination, we can dare ourselves to go deeper into understanding our reactions by understanding how the conflict challenged our model of the world. That is the key. And this is a great gift to give ourselves and each other.
Steps:
1- Do you want to do something about it?
Ask yourself: “Does this conflict bother me? Do I wish to change or even fix the situation?”
If it’s conflict that you carry and/or keep thinking about, perhaps it’s worth taking some time to look at it differently. That’s when this tool is useful.
2- Remember YOUR experience of the conflict.
Imagine it, see it, hear it and feel it! Here are some questions to help.
· Remember the context: where (details about the location), when/time of day, Where are you standing or sitting. See the other person too.
· What are you saying (external or in your head)?
· What are the thoughts going through your head?
· What are you feeling (emotions, in your body)?
· What is important for you?
· What are you believing right now?
· What values are you defending?
· In light of what is coming up so far, what is your positive intention?
(This is a fun one. The positive intention could be positive just for you. Be honest with yourself, no judgement!)
3- Put yourself in the shoes of the other person in the conflict; Become the other
person and remember YOUR experience as the other person.
Imagine it, see it, hear it and feel it! Use the same questions.
4- Go back into YOUR experience.
· How does that change your perception?
· How different do you feel?
5- Pull back and become an observer. Take a moment.
6- Still as the observer, connect to the feeling of COMPASSION.
· What do you observe?
· How could it have happened differently?
7- Go back into YOUR experience.
· How does that change your perception?
· How different do you feel?
Have fun with it. See what comes up. Be honest with yourself.
Enjoy and take care of yourself and the ones you love.
Love and light,
Patrick