It strikes me that we live in a world of good intent but misunderstood intentions. 

I run this risk ad I write this today. I won’t re-draft - I’ve the washing go do and the children to look after. 


There is much to trouble us at the moment - I won’t go into the detail. I know that you’re experiencing it, feeling it, fighting and/or hiding from it. 


But I’ve spotted a well intentioned prevalence of focus on the positives - which I get. I’m a qualified coach, a positive psychology wielder but I’m also a grounded realist. 


We’re all on a pilgrimage to happiness (of happiness) but we’re all at different stages and on different paths. 


Let’s take a look. 


Focus on the good you say. 

Drive negativity away with positivity you say. 

There’s much to be thankful for you say. 


and of course there is and it’s good advice. 


Focusing upon what’s good, being grateful for what we have fills our hearts with blood and our lungs with oxygen. It empowers us to step further forward and it diminishes feelings of hopelessness and reduces the sense of dissatisfaction we might feel. 


All incredibly important. But messaged in the wrong way and with too little acknowledgement and sensitivity it can create greater feelings of inadequacy- how can they be so positive all the time, how I wish I could be like them; what’s wrong with me. 


Yes all too often those espousing positivity aren’t sharing the demons they carry, the feelings and thoughts they’ve worked through or indeed acknowledging that the share or post they’ve made is as much a reminder for them as it is for the wider world. At its best a mark on the sand for them to hold onto; at worst a need to achieve recognition for their own worth through likes and well done’s . We’ve all done it - we’re human after all. 


Yes we’re human after all abs it’s that frailty and empathy within ourselves which gives us hope for it drives acknowledgement and compassion for ourselves and others that there are times when we’ve had or faced too much - when we need to let it out, have a cry, live in it and through it and then tomorrow when the sun rises - we’ll look at our guru written quotes and self penned positive affirmations and shout out loud “let’s have this” (or words to that effect). 


We all have the capability to be as strong as steel, as hot and  bright as the sun and as bold as the mountains forged from the earth - but like us they all needed to go through transition and a molten phase to be the way they are. All imperfect they have ‘shiny’ days and ‘dull’ days. 


To acknowledge that is the greatest form of encouragement - be human and like the sea accept that you have a tide and rhythm to. Positives and platitudes are a way to cope with the ebb and flow not an alternative or way round it. 


If we don’t reinforce that it’s natural to feel these ebbs and flows they go underground and living a life with your true self under ground can be dark and lonely.


Here for you through the shouts and screams, the tears and the sad moments as well as the smiles, laughter and jumps. 


It’s that plethora of emotion that make you amazing. And if we can keep one another in the light for longer whilst allowing the other - we’ll be winning. 


Peace and love 


Stefan 

Picture - ebb and flow - Steven Kean