On August 5, 2018, I watched the documentary The Bleeding Edge. At no time before that had I ever suspected, nor was it ever suggested by any of the numerous doctors and specialists I had seen over the years, that my breast implants could cause my many illnesses of unknown origin.
In the movie, I watched and listened to stories of women suffering from Breast Implant Illness (BII), and it shook me and threw me into a tailspin because I knew I finally had a culprit to my years of pain and suffering. Although I had been contemplating having my implants removed for a while, the urgency to do so didn't happen until I learned that they could be killing me.
It all made sense. My ailments, so varied and seemingly unrelated, DID have a root cause. So many emotions followed–I was elated and felt vindicated because I had been telling doctors for years that something was happening to me, but I didn't know what.
I also went into full-on panic mode, feeling like my breast implants were now a ticking time bomb that could rupture at any moment, making me susceptible to toxic mold that could be inside them. Yes, mold.
I knew it wasn't all in my head.
Even though I was fully aware of the hormonal and other physical challenges of growing older, what I was experiencing could not be chalked up to old age or menopause.
I'd enjoyed 20/10 vision my whole life, and then suddenly, in under six months, my eyesight diminished to 20/20, which may not sound significant, but as an avid reader, it was for me.
Brain fog? Honey, I would sometimes forget what I was saying in mid-sentence.
Don't get me started on the abnormal swelling, inflammation, and joint pain in my hips, shoulders, and ankles. Rheumatoid and orthopedic doctors were stumped with my blood work showing no signs of rheumatoid factors but high levels of inflammation and apparent autoimmune responses.
The worst was the time I suffered full-body hives for several months.
I also suffered severe anxiety and depression, making me too anxious and sad to leave my apartment.
There were heart palpitations, not just little flutters, but sometimes constant rapid heartbeats that I could feel through my chest.
Chronic insomnia stole my sleep. For over a decade, I got maybe four or five hours of quality sleep a night. Lack of sleep causes additional health issues, too.
Almost every doctor and specialist I saw was adamant that menopause was the only answer to all my health issues, but I knew in my gut that more was going on.
My body had been trying to tell me something was wrong for years. Essentially, my system had been rejecting the foreign bodies in my body for two decades.
How is it that organ transplant recipients are given anti-rejection meds following surgery, but cosmetic or preventive surgeries that involve putting foreign objects in the body aren't?
How could almost every cosmetic surgeon on the planet believe that silicone in any form is safe for internal use?
How could I have not figured it out sooner? How could I do this to myself?
How it all began…
I was 11 years old when I challenged my little brother to a race to reach the top of the chainlink fence behind our apartment building. "I bet I can climb the fence into that tree before you can!" And beat him, I did. I climbed to the very top of the fence, as I'd done many times before, always carefully climbing over the barb.
On this day, I slipped, and the barb sliced through my shirt, through the flesh of my chest, severely damaging my left breast. I don't remember much of what happened that day. Weeks later, my mother took me to a doctor, where he explained I would probably be fine. In his "expert" medical opinion, my body would most likely rebound and develop naturally because I was so young. It didn't.
I wasn't one of the popular girls in high school and college. Although I didn't care about being "accepted" by my peers, I always felt… different–different in a way that made me feel less than a young woman because something was missing, literally.
Ultimately, I chose to correct my deformity with a plastic surgeon in Georgia. At that point, I had lived without a left breast for 15 years.
My surgeon insisted that saline implants were my best choice because they were safer, softer, and would feel more "natural." He never spoke to me about potential autoimmune issues, and he assured me that I had nothing to fear because if the implants leaked or ruptured, my body would absorb the "safe" saline. He never gave me cause to suspect that the silicone casing of the saline implants was any danger to my health.
When Serendipity knocks, you answer.
I started down a path of rapidly declining health at around 42 years old, or maybe it started sooner. I honestly don't know anymore. I do know that I'd had enough. I was done searching, researching, and hoping for answers. And I felt like my husband, family, friends, and co-workers were tired of hearing and seeing me not at my best. I decided the best I could do was accept my life of pain and try to make the most of living while I could. I had given up, but the Universe knew better.
Serendipity led me to watch The Bleeding Edge because it was just the day before I found the movie that I had decided it was time to move on from trying to find answers.
Roads best traveled are long.
A dear friend once told me, "A road best traveled is long." Long journeys allow you to wander and learn, explore and appreciate where you are, and even look back to see how far you've come.
I'm choosing to look forward on this road of recovery from BII. I used to miss the strong, courageous, and vibrant woman I was before getting sick, but she had to make room for the stellar woman I am becoming.
On October 11, 2018, I underwent breast explant surgery and finally liberated my body from Breast Implant Illness's debilitating effects. Now, at 52 years young, I'm still on the road to recovery, and my prognosis looks fantastic.
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Jasmine Jae Hermann is the founder of Boss Copy Editing, a boutique editorial services agency that provides expert content strategy and editing for women leaders and change-makers. Jae is also the Communications Director for the Breast Implant Safety Alliance (BISA), a nonprofit organization providing unbiased, science-based breast implant education.