From The Desk Of Tim Ozman 9/28/21
Greta Thunblah's Hot Air
Former child star Greta Thunberg rinsed the black goo off her head, presumably with Dawn Dish Soap, and attended an environmentalist rally where she proceeded to lambast the politicians on her side for not doing enough. The petulant propagandist, possibly the animatronic avatar of Al Gore, derided all previous attempts at saving the Earth over the 33-year history of Global Warming as failed, as a whole lot of "blah, blah, blah."
Unironically, this criticism accurately describes the empty promises of the politicians, yet fails to scrutinize the claims of the alarmist scientists (which thankfully failed to materialize). It wasn't the politicians that failed; it was global warming itself. More than thirty years of "blah blah blah" is correct.
Referring back to The Guardian cover upon which Greta is covered in oil, they wrote: "Thunberg has made the ultimate sacrifice for the Guardian. She’s allowed us to turn her into a human oil spillage..."
Sacrifice is not a scientific but rather a collectivist proposition. The "ultimate sacrifice" here refers to giving up a lifestyle propped up by unsustainable fossil fuel consumption. It implies the sacrifice of personal freedom, volitionally at first, but eventually, we're going to be expected to acquiesce to climate lockdowns. It's inherent in the New Normal, where we have sacrificed our faces, our social lives to some degree, and our free speech.
I suspect that the "Astrocrete" is actually a way of communicating to the masses the need for sacrificing the world in its present form, including ourselves, our lifestyles, our traditions, all of it must be ground up into Soylent Red (my name for Astrocrete, the bricks made up of astronaut blood and Martian soil). Mars, fittingly known as the "red planet", will be the utopian worker's paradise imagined by the Communists, fully realized. Of course, future space communists will have to understand that you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.
Next month is huge for space with Willam Shatner now taking the trip at 90. He's kind of old for this kind of stunt devilry and I would like to suggest that if he doesn't make it, we turn him into a human sacrifice. One much more meaningful than the symbolic gesture of Great Thunblah dumping dino juice on her head:
We shall have him ground him into Astrocrete and installed as the cornerstone of the first moon-base.