As some of you maybe know, I’m engaged to my partner Matt and we’re getting married soon.
We’ve been together for 5,5 years and spent almost every day of this time together - yes, we’re one of those couples 😄
But I’ve learnt so much about relationships from him and our journey together and the last two years especially I’ve discovered a lot about the influence of masculinity and femininity on relationships.
I take marriage very seriously and so I’ve been asking myself lately:
“Veronika, what makes a good wife?”
Naturally, I want to be a good wife to Matt, I want him to feel supported and uplifted by our relationship and by me.
Unfortunately what I see too often in my line of work is that couples are so deeply opposed to each other that their goal is not to support each other but to be right and to remind each other constantly that they are independent and don’t need each other.
I talk about this concept so often, how toxic this emphasis on “not needing each other” is.
“But Veronika”, people say, “when I need the other person that means I’m dependent, which is bad!”
Then I say, no, needing each other is normal and healthy and important in a relationship.
If you can’t take a step outside your house without your partner or need their 24/7 attention and validation, yes, that’s unhealthy.
But telling your partner constantly that, basically, they are replaceable and that you’re quite fine without them is really toxic and unfortunately this attitude is all too often celebrated and encouraged by society.
The reason for this behaviour is, of course, fear of abandonment and so you keep your distance to stay safe.
And naturally, if you heal this part of you that is afraid to be left, you won’t need to forcefully keep your distance and remind your partner every 5 seconds of your independence.
But back to the topic of what makes a good wife.
For me the essence of being a good wife is to support my husband and to show him that I care for him and respect him on a daily basis.
The more I’m in tune with Matt and the more I understand men I realise how much burden and pressure men carry.
In our relationship especially financially because my business is still in its infant stage and so rely on Matt to pay the bills and support our lifestyle.
I’m so grateful every day for how he carries and believes in me and I want to show this back to him by going really consciously into marriage 💛
And to all my fellow women don’t underestimate how much pressure men are feeling and how little they show it.
If you want to have a great relationship - ask him: “How are you doing, my man? What’s worrying you?”
Then, really listen and feel into him - you’ll be amazed, believe me.
Men literally carry the burden of the world on their shoulders and they don’t show it.
But you really seeing and understanding him will be your greatest gift - and he’ll adore you forever 💛